Final Answer
by Xaared
Summary: Perversion, sarcasm, complete dysfunction: Trying his best to make it through sixth year alive, Draco goes rather insane with everything from Titanic and gay men to love for Hermy (he doesn't even know about it!)...What else is there to say?
1. Ecstasy is all you need

Disclaimer: I don't own HP, you moron. I never understood these, you know. And I'm only saying this once: the title is that of a song, NOT MINE, don't sue, or I swear I'll sue you right back. I know lawyers. Lots of them.  
  
A/N: Hey guys! I'm Xaared, and I've been on ff.net for like forever (D/HR ALL THE WAY BABY HAHAHAHAHAHA), and I finally decided to post something because *ahem* I'm awake. Don't even ask. I haven't showed this to anyone because I have a kind of bad history with fics that are read by people I personally know, so I would REALLY appreciate it if you'd review and tell me what you think. Constructive criticism is great, and flames are fine, if I deserve them. I love fire.hehe just ask my mom, I'm a pyro, that's why she doesn't like me. Lol, don't know if I'm joking or not, so don't ask. Um.back to the story, I don't think it's very good, but I hope it'll get better as I go along. I'll always love you (AND IIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOUUUUUU! Sorry, Whitney Houston moment) if you give me a chance. Thanks! Final Answer is a really great song by The Calling, the all-time best band of all time, so don't sue me, k? Oh, and I'll love you if you tell me how to use bold and italics, it would really help me. OH WAIT, the mocking radio song I don't remember the name of, but it's by the Backstreet Boys.  
  
Final Answer, by The Calling  
  
I want love to carry me through  
  
All of the moments I'd kindly undo  
  
Locked away, so I can feel safe  
  
Now that I'm down on my knees, begging for change  
  
Look down at the water  
  
Before I jump in  
  
To find I was sinking fast in all that might've been  
  
What I'm needing now is an honest answer, to make things better  
  
You can see now, my hands are tied, and I surrender  
  
So I'll wait her for your final answer  
  
Yeah, your final answer  
  
Is there love without hate?  
  
Is there pleasure without pain?  
  
I have seen all of my mistakes  
  
I cast you out  
  
But now I want you back  
  
So light me again  
  
'Cause my heart is turning black  
  
What I'm needing now is an honest answer, to make things better  
  
You can see now, my hands are tied, and I surrender  
  
So I'll wait here for your final answer  
  
Yeah, your final answer  
  
Remember the night you wore that dress?  
  
Well, it flowed through our lips  
  
Drink after drink, and kiss after kiss  
  
We're still holding on, day after day  
  
Don't run away  
  
I want love to carry me through  
  
Can you tell me what I'm supposed to do?  
  
What I'm needing now is an honest answer, to make things better  
  
You can see now, my hands are tied, and I surrender  
  
Some forgiveness to bring us back together  
  
So I'll wait here for your final answer  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I was woken that morning by Tonks yelling at me to get up, the radio next to my head tuned to some random Muggle station. It was too early to think much; all I knew were the sappy song lyrics mocking me.  
  
*I'll never breeeeak yooour heeart, I'll never maaaaake yooou cry.*  
  
Naturally, I took this as a personal insult. Muggle or not, that DJ had no right to be playing lovey-dovey lyrics so early in the morning.  
  
*I'd rather die than live without you.*  
  
No one has the right to mock me like that, especially when I've only recently been revived from my unconscious state. It didn't occur to me to turn it off, so I grabbed the radio and threw it at the wall. Interestingly, it turned off.  
  
Tonks, who had been ranting about how lazy I was up until then, stopped. I cracked an eye open. "What was that for?" she asked. Her hair was lime green, I noted dully. Weird color. Don't ask why, it just was.  
  
"It was mocking me," I mumbled.  
  
"I can assure you, that won't be the only thing mocking you if you don't get downstairs! Arise, child!" I had no idea what she meant by that. However, with those words, she spun on her heel and I heard her going back downstairs.  
  
I had to roll my eyes. Note the rolling motion of the eyes. I swear, she must have been born with a permanent hormonal imbalance along with all that morphy junk. Or maybe it's just because she's related to my mother. I don't know.  
  
I did, however, know I really had to get up. The previous night, Tonks and Snape had been going on about something that was happening today, but I couldn't remember for the life of me what it was.  
  
I rolled off the couch-but I actually did, and that floor was hard as hell. One's head coming down upon a wooden floor isn't exactly the most pleasant experience, especially so early in the morning.  
  
Several minutes later, I stumbled down the stairs, still attempting to wake up. Well, I'm sorry, but it takes me a while, plus usually a few bumps upon the head. And indeed, I did walk into a wall. Only once this morning, though.  
  
I sat at the kitchen table. Tonks was standing near the doorway, looking at me expectantly. "Yes?"  
  
"Aren't you coming?" she said impatiently. Obviously she wasn't a morning person either.  
  
"Coming where?" I hadn't the foggiest idea what she was talking about.  
  
"You said yesterday you'd go with me."  
  
"Did I really?" I didn't recall agreeing to anything, much less something I didn't know about. I was confused.  
  
"Never mind, I'll go alone." Without another word, she walked out of the house.  
  
"God, she gets so moody in the morning," I muttered to Snape, who was sitting at the table across from me as usual. The few times I'd seen him in the house, he'd never gone further than the kitchen.  
  
"I'm not going to answer for fear of my personal safety."  
  
"You don't think it's genetic, do you?" I said thoughtfully, pouring sugar into my coffee. As if *I* was ever moody in the A.M.  
  
Snape smirked, then sipped his own coffee. "Probably."  
  
"Hey Professor, where was she going, anyway? And why so *early*?" I still couldn't remember.  
  
Snape looked witheringly at me. "We've been over this, Mr. Malfoy."  
  
"But I forget."  
  
"She was going to get Potter today." The expression on Snape's was caught between a sneer and a scowl. "Miss Granger and the Weasleys will be coming today as well."  
  
I grimaced, suddenly remembering. Not only was I forced to be in close proximity with the Weasleys and Granger for part of my precious off-time. No. Potter. Ew.  
  
"Why are they coming here? Can't they send Potter to the madhouse or solitary confinement or the insane asylum or.something?"  
  
"You know, Mr. Malfoy, I always did like you." He smirked. "I'm having trouble convincing everyone that Potter really does need medical attention, especially since the Daily Prophet turned on me, so he has to come here for protection, this being headquarters."  
  
Yes, it is true. I suppose I should explain why I, Draco Malfoy, would be at Order of the Phoenix headquarters when I should be picking up girls in France.or something. Come on, it was summer.  
  
Well anyway, since Daddy was in prison, I decided I didn't really feel like being one of Voldemort's minions. I so had better things to do. Besides, there's no way I would ever subject myself to such a servile position.  
  
But whatever, because I'm still a slave, no matter where I go.  
  
So I was in the mood for a little rebellion, so I decided to defy Voldemort because, quite frankly, he annoyed me. I mean, why should I serve some frikkin evil overlord that's probably just going to end up turning me into one of his kinky sex toys, anyway? If you think about it.  
  
Dad was in the big house, and Mum was pretty much wandering around aimlessly, probably because she was sex deprived. Either that, or she'd misplaced her extensive Playwitch collection that she thinks I don't know about.  
  
As if I've never even been into Flourish & Blotts' Mature section. Honestly.  
  
So, doubting my mother would even notice I was gone, I set off on my noble quest to find my dear cousin Tonks. I'd known about all the Order of the Phoenix junk -don't ask why, don't ask how, I just did- so I figured hey, why not.  
  
And so was the beginning of a dynasty. Okay, so it wasn't, but it could have been. Or might be someday. Tonks' family had been disowned, yes, but I still knew her. Another one of those don't ask, don't tell things. Freaky family thing, I guess. We have a lot of those.  
  
I got great joy from spilling all the uber secret Death Eater junk I knew to Tonks and the others.Snape's not the only one with the details.  
  
And that's pretty much how I found myself faced with the prospect of actually being in the same location as my favorite Gryffindors for a portion of my summer.  
  
I glanced up at Professor Snape again. "Is this, like, part of my civic duty or something?"  
  
"Something like that."  
  
"Will I get public service credit for it?" I should clarify. I was planning on becoming a healer, and for med school after Hogwarts, you need however many public service hours to get in. I guess to prove you actually care about other people or something. Not that I did.  
  
But I honestly considered hanging with the Dream Team an act of public service. Kind of like feeding jello to old people at nursing homes. Except they weren't old, and there would be no jello involved. Probably.  
  
Since he was my Head of House and I'd had that career meeting with him, Professor Snape knew what I was talking about. "Quite possibly. Look into it." Snape drained the last of his coffee. "Well, Mr. Malfoy, I'll be taking my leave."  
  
My jaw dropped. "You're going to leave me with them alone?"  
  
He smirked. "Of course. Why should I put up with them if I don't have to?" I glared at him. "You won't be with them alone, anyway. Tonks will be here. And Lupin is here," he added as an afterthought. "Well, better you than me. I'll be seeing you, Mr. Malfoy." On that, he Apparated.  
  
Oh, that's mature, Snape. Some professor.  
  
I was thankful, however, that Tonks' family home was so large; easier to avoid them.  
  
Tonks' house was guarded with similar spells that Sirius Black's had been, or so I've been told. You can't find it unless you tell yourself it's there. It's pretty cool.  
  
Lupin wasn't there at the moment, and I wasn't sure when Tonks would be back with the charge, so for the time being I was alone. I picked up my mug and trudged back up the first flight of stairs to the room I slept in.  
  
Tonks called in simply The Room, for mere lack of a better name. I had opted to sleep on the couch in there rather than one of the bedrooms, knowing that later in the summer I'd end up being even closer to the miscreants had I chosen the latter. Pluse there was that funny little muggle TV thing in The Room, which was one of my few sources of entertainment.  
  
Tonks taught me how to use the VCR early on, so I had already been vastly immersed into the Muggle world of entertainment. I didn't have anything better to do.  
  
I'd also watched all the animated Disney movies, which, Tonks proudly told me, she had every single one of.  
  
Having nothing better to do and in the mood for a little mockery, I found a movie with two very disturbed looking lovers doing interesting things on the box. It looked amusing enough, so I started it. Plus, I thought I'd heard of that boat.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Six cups of coffee later, I was well into Titanic and found it to be one of the funniest things I'd ever seen, and without even trying to be.  
  
Not as funny as Monty Python or that guy Stuart. But still funny.  
  
I was still laughing about the flying scene ("Jack, I'm flying!" Haha, funny stuff) when I heard Tonksie return, unfortunately no doubt with Potter.  
  
I could hear her trotting up the stairs, then she stuck her head through the slightly open door. "Wotcher, Draco," she said, winking. She was always saying that and I had no idea why. "I see you've woken up."  
  
"As have you. Not exactly a morning person, are we?" Tonks grinned; obviously, she'd had her coffee.  
  
Only then did I realize that Potter was behind her. I must have scowled, because she shoved him in front of her. "You know Harry, obviously." Potter glared at me. I returned the favor. "And the Weasleys will be here soon with Hermione."  
  
"Excuse me if I don't jump for joy. Lupin must have finished my French Vanilla, you see, so I'm still in my moody state."  
  
Tonks rolled her eyes; Potter frowned. Moron can't even recognize sarcasm, I thought dully. "Where is Remus, anyway?"  
  
I thought for a moment. "Do you think werewolves have strip clubs?" It was reasonable. Even likely.  
  
"Draco." She rolled here eyes again.  
  
"Seriously though, I don't know. Now leave me to my entertainment."  
  
Tonks spotted the Titanic box and grinned. "Wotcher. Why don't you come with me, Harry?" Potter, quite glady, I presume, followed her out of The Room, shooting me one last glare.  
  
Why Tonks had felt compelled to bring Potter to see me was completely beyond my comprehension. She probably just wanted to annoy me. I turned my attention back to the screen.  
  
Who knows how long later, I was sprawled out on the couch, staring at the TV screen, when I heard more people come into the house. Thanks to the convenient yet distracting air vents, I could hear perfectly the conversation that ensued.  
  
I managed to block most of the monotonous banter out of my mind, until I heard my name. "Oh, Draco's upstairs." Damn you, Tonks. Not only did she well know that I could hear her, but she always seemed to find a way to drag me into things against my will.  
  
"How nice. Ron, Harry, Ginny, Hermione, why don't you go up there." The speaker, whom I could only presume to be Mrs. Weasley, sounded distracted, but this was way too much. Even a Weasley couldn't be that thick.  
  
That had to be it. They were plotting against me.  
  
I could actually *hear* their detest as they trudged up the stairs (after a futile argument, of course). Why was I always forced to be with people that hate me? Not like it wasn't mutual, but still.  
  
They appeared at the doorway, looking defeated but glaring at me all the same. "How nice to see you all," I remarked.  
  
"Is it really?" Potter said. "Because last time I saw you, I remember you telling me I was dead."  
  
"Look, Potter, I really am quite sorry to say this, but you're quite alive. If you were dead, you wouldn't need protecting," I added hopefully.  
  
Potter gave me an even filthier look. "Well, why are *you* here then, Malfoy? What do you care about the Order? I'm assuming you know about it."  
  
"See, Potter, unlike you, I can actually be of some help. You, on the other hand, I can't exactly say the same for."  
  
Potter growled, and Granger put a hand on his shoulder. It really was a Kodak moment; inwardly; I gagged. "But you know what I said, Potter?" Without waiting for an answer, I continued, "Well, I said to them, I said they should just ship you off to the closed ward. That's where you really belong."  
  
It was true; there was somewhere they all belonged. Potter, as I said, and the closed ward at St. Mungo's. For Weasley, a kennel. And Granger, a research laboratory.  
  
I didn't say this out loud, however, and for good reason. Weasley could get dangerous without close supervision, and I had no way of knowing if he'd had the mandatory shots.  
  
Potter had stopped talking, however, and followed the gaze of his followers. They were all staring at the TV screen. I'd ironically paused it on a very obscene part that involved a hand randomly slamming against condensed glass in a Muggle car. You know the one I'm talking about.  
  
They all turned simultaneously to look at me. "Are you watching Titanic?" Granger said incredulously.  
  
"As a matter of fact, I am." I was starting to get annoyed with trying to annoy them, and by now I was just bored.  
  
The Weasel was gawking at the screen, though there was a disappointed look on his face when I started the movie again. "Well," he said, looking confused, "if they're not going to show anything.I mean, then what's the point?"  
  
I burst out laughing despite myself. "Jesus, Weasley, and here I was thinking you couldn't get any thicker."  
  
Weasley's ears turned read as he glared at me, the car still shaking menacingly on the screen. "Shut up, Malfoy." I vaguely wondered if that was the only insult in his vocabulary.  
  
"I would, but first must know. What is it that you want with me?"  
  
"Tonks and Mrs. Weasley made us come up here," Potter muttered darkly.  
  
See, I think that they wanted to be with me; they took things too literally. "They told you to go upstairs. So do so. Go upstairs, farther upstairs, and darken my doorway no more. You're making me sick."  
  
They looked as if this had never occurred to them. Without a word, the trio walked out of The Room and I heard their footsteps carry up the stairs.  
  
I noticed that the other Weasley hadn't followed them, but didn't think much of it. She seemed fascinated by the television (simple things amuse simple minds?), and silently sat on a lounge chair, just watching the movie intently.  
  
We watched it mostly in silence; her "friends" hadn't even come to look for her, heartless miscreants they were.  
  
By the end, however, I was vaguely upset. "WHAT THE HELL?!"  
  
Weasley looked startled. "What?"  
  
"She said she'd never let go, then she just, like.lets go!" I was halfway betweed lost and outraged.  
  
Weasley was silent for a moment. "I never thought I'd say this, Malfoy, but you're right."  
  
"Duh."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: *cringes* Was it that bad? I think it was. They may seem OOC, but remember, this is all how Draco views things, so things will seem different from the books. If it's TOO OOC, just review and yell at me. Like it? Hate it? Laughed? Cried? Wish I was dead and never updated this? Whatever your feelings were, PLEASE review! I've kind of got a complex, and I really want to know what you think. You've already read the story, so please just take a minute to tell me what you think! I NEED YOUR OPINION! Lol, please just review. I have to calm down. 


	2. You wouldn't change me if you could

Disclaimer: Why bother? It's not mine.  
  
A/N: Yay, I got some reviews! I'm so glad that a few people actually liked it, that's all I needed. Uhhh.I don't really know what else to say. I'd had this all typed up before I posted the first chapter and I've only got a little more typed after this, so I don't know when I'll update again. I'll write as fast as I can and try to get it up soon. Not that you care, though ( because this still sucks, lol. Enjoy!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The remainder of the day passed without great event. Fortunately, I didn't see Potter and co. until dinner. I did, however, come into communication with the Weasley.  
  
She didn't like me, and I didn't like her. I obviously hadn't forgotten the whole Bat-Bogey thing at the end of fifth year; that was annoying, let me tell you.  
  
However, I had nothing to do, and she was someone to talk to, so whatever. At least it wasn't Potter.  
  
So at dinner that night, it was inevitable that I'd have to see Potter again. And, alas, I did.  
  
I also met Bill and Charlie Weasley. Kind of; I didn't talk to them. They were there, though, in case you were wondering. Yeah. But Weasley (as in the Weasel, I swear, there are so many damn Weasleys) kept flicking peas at my head. Immaturity is such a problem in today's youth.  
  
So, when Mrs. Weasley and Tonks weren't looking, I threw a stick of butter at him. It's not like I wasn't provoked.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
And so passed much of the summer. The only people present that could look at me without practically choking, other than Tonks, were Charlie, Bill, and Ginny Weasley, and Ginny was the only one that was always there.  
  
It was kind of depressing.  
  
One day, my darling Gryffindors and I were in The Room watching Jack Frost, a strange movie about this psycho murdering snowman. Actually, that's a lie; only Potter and the Weasel were watching it. Ginny was doing a crossword puzzle in the back of the Quibbler and kept asking Granger and me the answers.  
  
She frowned down at the magazine. "Hey Malfoy?"  
  
"Yes Weasley?"  
  
"What popular candy is rumored to be an aphrodisiac?"  
  
That was easy. "Sugar quills. They make you horny." Granger rolled her eyes. "Excuse me, Granger, they do."  
  
"Oh really? And how would you know?"  
  
She was so obviously coming on to me. "I've experienced their effects," I lied.  
  
And so I began my long-winded, completely untrue story about how a Veela had seduced me with sugar quills during the DE attack at the Quidditch World Cup. "And then all these people started swarming into the forest and they were coming near us, and it was like so ruined, but I told you Granger the sugar quill thing is true," I finished. Lying is amusing beyond measure.  
  
Granger rolled her eyes at me again. "Not a word of that was true."  
  
"People went into the forest, you were there, YOU SAW IT. Besides, why did you think I was already there when you got there?" I smirked.  
  
"I meant the Veela thing. It was a lie."  
  
"So?" I'd kind of gotten it from a muggle book I saw at this store once. It was called 'How to Have Sex in the Woods'. It was actually quite amusing.  
  
Granger sighed. Ginny went back to her quiz. I knew they loved my witticisms; they just didn't know it.  
  
At dinner that night, I was describing in detail to Ginny just what her type was, since she had been complaining about how all the guys she knew were losers (obviously I wasn't included in this statement).  
  
"And he's going to be a huge, burly, muscular type with all brawn and no brains, and all he'll talk about is Quidditch. That's why he'll like you, you see."  
  
Ginny looked confused. "Why, because he likes Quidditch?"  
  
"No, because he has no brain."  
  
Ginny smacked me; and you know what, that girl packed a serious punch. She didn't hit as hard as Granger, of course, but thank God for that.  
  
A few minutes later, Ginny looked up again from across the table. "Malfoy?"  
  
"Weasley?"  
  
She smirked at Granger, who was sitting next to her. "What do you think Hermione's type is?"  
  
I thought for a moment, trying to decide what would annoy Granger the most. "A horny sex god, if you want to know what I think."  
  
Granger choked on a roll. See what I mean? Choking, everyone's always choking around me. "Excuse me?"  
  
"It's true, Granger. All those times you've been reading Hogwarts, A History, you thought I never saw that copy of Playwitch you're really looking at? I'm not blind you know."  
  
"You are such a pervert."  
  
"I know."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
And before I knew it (yeah right), it was August 31, and my precious summer was over. True, it was, like, the worst summer ever, but it was better than school.  
  
Plus, I was going to miss the TV. I really was.  
  
I was sitting on the counter in the kitchen, just minding my own business (for the time being). I was supposed to be looking for my advanced Herbology book, but I didn't feel like it.  
  
Granger came marching in, looking panic-stricken. "Where's my Defense Against the Dark Arts book?"  
  
I raised an eyebrow and looked at her. "Okay. HOW the hell would I know?"  
  
Granger was annoyed. She turned around and stalked out of the kitchen.  
  
At first I just figured that Tonks was rubbing off on her. Except instead of in the morning, she gets moody at night.  
  
But then I reminded myself that one of her *books* was missing. After all, she was Granger.  
  
Then I remember that my book was missing too, and I'd be uber screwed if I didn't find it, so I searched for it again.  
  
On my quest, I came across God knows whose collection of Playwizard mags. I swear; if I'm not in the company of people that hate me, then it's sex maniacs.  
  
Sometime after the Playwizards, I found my book. Go figure.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I was arisen far too early the next morning. Ginny ran in (on Tonks' orders, no doubt, heartless peon) and started jumping on the couch and beating me up with a pillow.  
  
On his way down the stairs, Potter saw this and took the opportunity to throw my radio at my head, then just leave.  
  
I got hit in the head quite a few times, let me tell you.  
  
Ginny dragged me off the couch (wooden floor, that's all I'll say) and trotted out the door. Giddiness sometimes makes me queasy in the morning.  
  
Tonks force-fed me toast once I was in the kitchen, then stalked off somewhere, looking annoyed.  
  
Lupin didn't even have to look up from his newspaper. "She needs some coffee."  
  
"No kidding."  
  
"Why don't you make some." It was quite obviously a command, not a question. Werewolves are such freeloaders. He only wanted it for himself.  
  
"You know I'm banned from the appliances." I scowled. He so brought that up on purpose.  
  
Lupin smirked. "Oh yes, I forgot." And all the Gryffindors thought he was nice.  
  
"Sure ya did."  
  
Granger looked up from the table, eyebrows raised. "Why aren't you allowed to use the appliances?"  
  
"Tonks tried to kill me last time because I blew up the microwave and almost burned down the house," I said bitterly. It WASN'T MY FAULT.  
  
"With a microwave?" Granger said incredulously.  
  
"They're vessels of evil," I spat, glaring at the demon instrument.  
  
Granger stared, I nodded. Lupin sighed and waved his wand. A pot of coffee appeared on the table. I tackled it and joyously poured some into a mug.  
  
Potter, Granger, Weasel, and Weasley all stared at me as I spooned sugar into my coffee. "Can I help you?"  
  
They didn't say anything? Tonks entered the room, her creepy magenta hair glaring spitefully at me. Or it would have been, could hair glare spitefully.  
  
In a frightening likeness to myself, she attacked the pot of coffee. But nooo, did they stare at her? Nope.  
  
I sometimes wonder why I always feel the need to include pointless cameos and details. Oh well.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Sometime later, we found ourselves on the Hogwarts Express. I looked for the first opportunity that arose to finally escape from the Gryffindors, but alas, it was to no avail. For we had to go to some Prefect meeting.  
  
And so, leaving Potter alone (haha), Granger, Weasley & Weasley and I departed for the meeting.  
  
I don't really understand the point of Prefect meetings. It's not like we ever get anything done.  
  
The second I stepped through the door, Pansy threw herself at me. She started going on about how much she'd missed me over the summer, but I wasn't really listening.  
  
It wasn't like I could have cared less.  
  
So I just sat there throughout the entire meeting, the Heads trying to make themselves heard over the screams of what's his face from Hufflepuff as Goldstein tried to choke/smother him with a quill.  
  
We were kind of used to things like that randomly occurring. Don't ask.  
  
I'll repeat my feelings on the Prefect meetings. We never do anything; it just doesn't make sense. Kind of like morning sickness. It doesn't even happen in the morning.  
  
Actually, it does happen in the morning. But all the rest of the time, too. They should just call it all-the-time sickness.  
  
But whatever. That's just my opinion.  
  
Once Hufflepuff managed to escape, we assumed it was alright for us to take our leave.  
  
Crabbe and Goyle were too stupid. Pansy was too clingy. And I wasn't in the mood for sitting alone and brooding about my life. So I went with Granger, Weasley, and Weasley.  
  
You probably would have, too.  
  
The thing I don't get is why everything always has to do with Titanic.  
  
Which is why, somehow, I found myself in the midst of a heated debate with Granger about Jack's true sexual orientation. See, I honestly felt that he was gayer than gay, and that he only wanted to shag Rose because he wasn't prepared to come out of the closet yet. Granger, however, disagreed.  
  
And that was why I felt the need to convince her that I was right and she was wrong, end of story.  
  
"WELL then, Granger, if he was straight, then why was he so keen to shag her? Hmm?"  
  
She rolled her eyes at me. "Malfoy, that made no sense. If he was gay, he would have wanted to shag the Italian bloke, not Rose."  
  
And she was supposed to be smart or something. "See, that's the point. He didn't want his friend to find out, so he tried to cover it all up with Rose. Read between the lines." Or watch it. Details, details.  
  
But no, she just refuse to see the truth. "How do you know?"  
  
"It's easy to tell. Go watch the movie with your eyes open and you'll see what I mean. Why else would he shag her? I mean, she was a brat."  
  
Granger rolled her eyes again and glared at me. "Maybe because he.oh, I don't know. Loved her? Not that I'd expect you to understand."  
  
That was cold, Granger. But I ignored the insult; I had a point to make. An important one, at that. "After.what? A few days, at the most. And if you still don't think he's gay, I've only go tone more reason for the shagging, and I'll assure you, you won't like it."  
  
Throughout all this, fortunately, Potter and Weasley remained engrossed in their Quidditch-themed conversation. Simple-minded peasants. Weasley II had abandoned here ever-present Quibbler copy for a much more satisfying form of entertainment: Granger and me.  
  
"Oh really?" Granger's voice was thick with sarcasm. "And what's that?"  
  
I smirked. "Sugar quills."  
  
Weasley and I both started sniggering. Granger put her hand over her eyes. "You are such a moron, Malfoy."  
  
"You're just mad because I won." I smirked again.  
  
"Sure you did."  
  
What with our stimulating debate, we hadn't realized how much time had gone by. In fact, just as Weasley was pulling out the latest edition of the Quibbler (I swear, I have no idea), we pulled into the station.  
  
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A/N: *rolls eyes* I don't know, my mom has a Titanic thing. I just think it's funny. But the thing about Jack being gay is true (sorry Hermione, you're wrong), if you don't think he is.you're wrong too. Lol. I got three reviews!  
  
demonic innocence: Hey thanks! The Titanic thing was actually written from my own experience.O.o heh heh don't ask. If you're still out there (not that I'd blame you if you're not reading this, it's bad!), I hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
  
RikuNghts: Thanks, I was really worried about it being too OOC. But for anyone ELSE that's like "Blaaaaaaah this is stupid it's OOC" well you may be right, but remember, it's DRACO's POV! It'll be different! That wasn't meant toward you personally though, lol, thanks for the review. I'm glad you liked it.  
  
fairy-princess7: Thank you for the compliment, but I deserve to beat myself up for calling this a story because it's STUPID! I'm sorry, like I said, I have a complex, I can't like anything I make. Thanks though.  
  
You three rock! To anyone else that might be reading this, it'd be really cool if you could please take a sec (or two or three) to review. Thank you! 


	3. It was a day just like this

Disclaimer: Do I look like JKR? Well, you're reading this through a computer, for all you know, I might. I don't think I do, though. I could, though, you never know. But it's not mine, anyway.  
  
A/N: Oopsies.I forgot to mention something! In this story, we're going to assume that sugar quills are the magical equivalent of green M&M's, k? Because everyone says that it's not true about them being aphrodisiacs, but of course everyone knows it's true, HAHAHAHAHAHA! Okay, sorry. Also, I have another reason I'm in trouble. I thought I had fixed it, but only signed in reviewers can review! Uh, oops. I fixed it now, though, so hopefully I'll get a few more reviews? I COMMAND YOU ALL TO REVIEW, HAHAHAHAHA! No I don't, lol, I'd just like it if you would. Sorry, I'm feeling weird.  
  
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With our distracting train ride conversation, we didn't notice that it was raining. Hard. Like, really hard.  
  
Now, I didn't feel like getting wet. I like the rain and all. I do. But I wasn't in the mood to get wet. I'd spent over a month in the company of no one but Gryffindors (which put a slight damper on my mood already) and I just didn't feel like getting wet. It's one of those things.  
  
So, naturally, I threw myself at the first available carriage. I closed the door behind me and sat down, but it was only then that I realized I wasn't alone.  
  
Pansy.  
  
Pansy tackled me in one of her strange Pansy-hugs, then sat down next to me. Okay, not next to me, pretty much on top of me, but the mere thought of the experience makes me shudder. "Oh, Draco," she said, her voice strangely resembling the sound of Christopher Lee's oddly pointy fingernails in that Lord of the Rings movie being dragged slowly and painfully across a blackboard, "it's been so long since we've had the chance to talk."  
  
"Yes, I know. Heartbreaking, really."  
  
Pansy smiled, obviously mistaking my sarcasm for a heartfelt remark. I cringe at the thought. "So, how was your summer? What did you do?"  
  
I tried to think of something to say. It was true; I hadn't really done anything over the summer. Except sit there all day, watching movies. Oh yeah, and spilling all the secret Death Eater junk. But I wasn't going to tell her that.  
  
I had to think of something witty, and quickly. I shrugged. "Nothing really." Oh, THAT was brilliant, Malfoy.  
  
Pansy jumped at the chance to tell me all about HER summer vacation in Paris in complete detail. I wasn't really listening, just staring longingly out the window. I needed coffee, and I could only get it once we arrived at the castle.  
  
Several eons later, the carriage stopped in front of the steps. Not really caring that Pansy was still talking, I practically flew into my only safe haven from the raining, decaffeinated world: Hogwarts.  
  
You see, Snape had a coffee thing, much like my own. And Dumbledore likes people to be happy. So, naturally, there's always lots of coffee, thank God.  
  
I dodged Peeves in the Entrance Hall (who seemed to think it would be funny to push over the axe/sword-wielding suits of armor onto students' heads as they walked by.actually, you know, it was pretty funny) and joined the masses filing into the Great Hall that all sat down, anxiously awaiting the Sorting.  
  
That's actually a lie. Everyone was just hungry; no one cared about the Sorting. The professors just thought we did. And they were supposed to be teaching us.  
  
After we were blessed (haha, yeah right) with six new Slytherins, Dumbledore droned on for several more eons about woolen socks or God knows what.  
  
I made that up. But it was probably something equally stupid.  
  
Anyway, after that, the tables were magically filled with food. I could actually hear Weasley drooling as I poured my first cup of coffee. I swear I could.  
  
The rest of the meal passed in silence. It was silent for me, at least; the rest of the morons at that school wouldn't be silent if Voldie's newest scheme was to remove their vocal chords and harness the Giant Squid with them to dominate Hogwarts.  
  
Okay, that was stupid. I don't really know what the point of that would be. But it would be kind of cool.  
  
Of course, it wasn't *entirely* silent for me. Oh no, no matter how hard I try, it never seems to work out the way I want it to. Pansy was sitting next to me as usual, and also as usual, she just wouldn't stop talking. I only spoke to her voluntarily, however, to tell her to shut up as she was describing (in great detail, mind you) what she had for breakfast on the third morning of her trip to Paris. But that's just the way it is.  
  
So anyway, yet another eon later, the meal was finally over. I took my time leaving the Great Hall, as most people practically charged the frikkin door to get the good chairs by the fire in their common rooms. Or some other evening activity that I won't mention because it would be improper. You know, whatever it was they all did.  
  
When I finally reached the common room, after giving the password, of course (if you're wondering what it was.oh well, sucks to be you), I immediately ascended the staircase to my dorm, not wanting to have to make up any more boring lies about my summer.  
  
I opened the sixth year boys' dorm, only to find Blaise, Crabbe, and Goyle engaged in an unmentionable activity.no not really, they were playing strip poker, pervert. Having several times as many brain cells as both of the other two put together, Blaise was completely clothed. Crabbe and Goyle, however, were already down to their underwear (the trauma, THE TRAUMA).now, only those two could lose that badly that quickly.  
  
I rolled my eyes, thoroughly used to this type of thing, and just fell onto my bed, not feeling like changing my clothes. Enough clothing had already been shed in that room.  
  
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You know, there must be some law that everyone except me knows about against waking me up calmly/gently/normally/soberly. Like, an actual national law. International, even.  
  
Anyway, Goyle stood there for at least five minutes, poking me, trying to get me up. Moron. He should have known that I was already awake, just ignoring him. Blaise, however, being the brilliant guy that he is, jumped up onto my bed and kicked me in the head. And he was already wearing his shoes, too.  
  
I had to give him some points on his creativity, though. It actually wasn't that creative, kicking me in the head, but it hadn't happened in a while. I wasn't really used to it.  
  
Forty-five minutes later, I entered the Great Hall, my hair still wet. My hair is sexy when it's wet. It so does. And by the way, I'm not narcissistic. I just enjoy mirror-gazing.  
  
Is that so wrong?  
  
But that's not the point.  
  
Breakfast went along as normally as could be expected (though with the people I know, that's not exactly incredibly normal, but whatever). The only thing different was our schedules. Since we were in sixth year, we had all been split up and mixed in with all the other houses.  
  
Naturally, I was in only the most advanced classes. I was taking Potions, Defense against the Dark Arts, Herbology, Transfiguration, Arithmacy, and Charms.  
  
I, of course, had gotten 'O's and a few 'E's on all these subjects on the O.W.L.s. Sometimes my brilliance astounds me.  
  
Really.  
  
Having not so good short term memory, I had to glance down at my schedule again to see where I was going as everyone shuffled out of the Great Hall to their first classes. Or to find empty broom closets. Whatever.  
  
I had Snape. That would be fun.  
  
See, here's the thing. Most of the Slytherins in my year are morons. They are *complete* morons. So not many of them got decent enough grades to make it into Snape's O.W.L. level class. Okay, let me rephrase that: *none* of them got decent enough grades.  
  
Except me, of course. Haha.  
  
But anyway, the other ones in the class would be from other Houses. Normally, the prospect of this would have depressed me, but it was different. I was very interested to see how many of them would last with Snape. I figured they wouldn't last past winter break.  
  
Snape doesn't have so much patience with those he doesn't like. Or those he doesn't have to pretend to like. Whatever.  
  
So I headed off to class, looking forward to watching others suffer. It has always been a neverending source of amusement for me.  
  
I was the last one, other than Snape, who hadn't arrived yet, to enter the classroom. This being the smart people class, it looked oddly empty. The other students currently present were Granger (I doubted there had been a change of mind for her about Jack's homosexuality, so this wasn't too promising, but she could still be interesting, we'll see), Finch-Fletchley, Abbott (that girl was dumb as a hick, I swear I don't know how she became a Prefect, let alone get in that class, but we'll see how long she lasts, haha), Macmillan, and Goldstein.  
  
I reminded myself that if Snape ever slacked off in his duties, I could usually count on the last two for entertainment. Goldstein was a weird kind of guy, and he was always trying to kill Macmillan. I have no idea why, but it was funny.  
  
Snape strode in, shutting the door behind him, and didn't look at us until he was standing behing his desk. He lifted his head up to the class and sneered at us all. "Well, I see have quite a few more to deal with than usual. For now." I looked around; there weren't all that many of us. He smirked. "Don't worry, that won't last long."  
  
I had to smirk at that. I looked around again; Granger seemed to be the only one who understood what he had said. I was beginning to think she was the only other one with an independent mind. Oh well, more fun for me.  
  
Just to freak everyone out, Snape had us make a sex change potion (don't ask), which was unsurprisingly difficult.  
  
We were paired off by Sev. I had to work with Finch-Fletchley, which wasn't as bad as it could have been. Or rather, it wasn't as bad as the others had it.  
  
Goldstein was working with Macmillan, and seemed to be testing out some new murder tactics. He seemed to be having fun, though I can't exactly say the same for Macmillan.  
  
Granger was partners with the only remaining specimen, Abbott. She did all the work and sat there, trying to look interested as Abbott went on about something or another. I could tell she wanted nothing better than to shove Abbott's head in the potion and was just trying to shake off the urge. It wasn't that hard to see.  
  
Finch-Fletchley and I conquered the art of the sex change.does that sound right? But anyway, we made our potion perfectly, but both wisely chose not to test it.  
  
It's not like you would have. Unless you're.that way.  
  
Like Jack.  
  
Sometime later that day after lunch (Potions was a double period), I was pondering the best way to get Potter to take my potion on my way to Defense Against the Dark Arts. I was curious, however, to see who they'd gotten to take the position as professor, not having paid sufficient attention to find out at dinner the previous evening.  
  
Upon entering the classroom, I discovered the turnout for the O.W.L. level in this particular subject was significantly better than Potions had been. All the sixth year Gryffindors except Patil and Brown were there, as were Pansy and Blaise.  
  
I assumed that they had split up the houses; why they always chose to put us with the Gryffindors, however, I have no idea. I did notice that the new professor seemed to have been right behind me, as he walked in right after me. I took a seat at the back of the class; Pansy looked about to cry, as she was at the front.  
  
The professor stood at the front of the class and stared at us for a minute, a dark eyebrow raised. He looked to be in his mid-twenties and had dark eyes and light brown hair. Everyone else stared back at him.  
  
Finally, after a strange silence, he spoke. He had a very slight accent that I couldn't exactly place. "Uh, hey. I'm Professor Zaitzev, and as I've heard, you guys have had a bit of trouble with Defense Against the Dark Arts professors. This is my first teaching job, so you annoy me, I'll kill you and make it look like an accident."  
  
I smirked; finally, a DADA professor that knew what he was talking about. I looked around. The guys looked disturbed; Granger and Pansy were also looking rather disturbed, though I think they were into him. I could tell.  
  
Zaitzev didn't realize that he had shocked the class. He continued. "Okay, as you know, this is a very important year for you, being your first O.W.L. level year, so I have really no idea why I was hired. But I'm getting paid, so whatever." He was cool. "So where are you in the book?"  
  
No one replied. Zaitzev stepped out from behind the desk. "God, are you guys mentally disturbed or something?" He looked at me. "You. Where are you, then?"  
  
Ah, I was always so popular with the professors. No, really, I was. "In a chair." Sarcasm, even in its lowest form, was still fun.  
  
He smirked. "That's what I'm talking about. What's your name?"  
  
"Draco Malfoy."  
  
Zaitzev went back behind his desk. "Okay, Malfoy. Shut the hell up. Now tell me, what are you learning about?"  
  
I had to grin; I was having fun. It was just one of those random things. Everyone else in the class, however, seemed to want to just haul off and smack me. Except Pansy, of course. "Well, um.last year our professor was a head case that's currently situated in a mental institution, and she wouldn't let us do anything. So we're not really anywhere as of now."  
  
Zaitzev put his hand over his eyes. "This is going to be a long year."  
  
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A/N: Well, we needed a new DADA dude, didn't we? So I figured I'd use a cooler one. I'm sick of ones that turn out to be psycho/evil/half- human/more evil/whatever. This one's just interesting.  
  
Now on to my reviewers:  
  
RikuNghts: Lol, thanks. My friends and I have a neverending joke about green M&M's, so I wanted to find a way to incorporate it here.hence the sugar quills. And yes, I am updating my story, so keep your muse away from my head.  
  
Ehlonna: Thank you! I'm glad you like it. Yes, Jack IS incredibly gay, but NO ONE will believe me. I'm glad there's someone out there that agrees. And the coffee thing.uh huh, moi.  
  
AND.  
  
Meggles: Hey, you want some coffee? You want some of Draco's coffee? Ooh, you want some of my caramel macchiato? Too bad, you can't. Eh, see you.  
  
Um.yeah. That's three, cool. PLEASE REVIEW! I fixed it so now you don't have to be logged in to review, so please do so! 


	4. Living in Shadows

After several more death threats from Zaitzev and absolutely no work getting done, I only had one class left: Transfiguration.  
  
Obviously they had tried to go with the Gryffindor-Slytherin thing again, since EVERY sixth-year Gryffindor was in my class, probably trying to improve Inter-House relations or something stupid and pointless like that.  
  
Those poor fools. You'd think they'd learn a thing or two after all this time. But they didn't.  
  
Finnigan was sitting in front of me, and just as I was trying to set his hair on fire without him noticing, McGonagall strode in and started yelling at us. Us meaning the Slytherins, of course.  
  
And the Gryffindors thought that she didn't favor them. Sure.  
  
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That was pretty much how the rest of the first week passed. I soon came to learn several things. Every one of my classes-yeah, EVERY ONE- was with Granger.  
  
I couldn't be particularly surprised by this fact, considering she was the smartest in the year and all, but I could still be annoyed by it. I think she was, too.  
  
No, I know she was. However, she did her best to try to hide it. She did this mostly by losing herself in her innermost desires and fantasies, or so I can only assume.  
  
Or maybe she just spent her time gazing adoringly at that copy of Playwitch under the cover of Hogwarts, A History. Try as she may, she could never really fool me. I knew all. I also had to wonder if Dumbledore really knew about it. Everyone says that he knows everything that goes on in this school.  
  
I also noted, amused, that the only class Crabbe and Goyle had was Herbology. That was the only thing they had made the cut for.and that wasn't really saying much, as every single person in the year had. And I mean, ALL they had was Herbology. Every day.  
  
Deep down (or really not that deep, it wasn't that hard to figure out, but whatever), I really knew that all they'd ever amount to was carrying bags of fertilizer for the assistants to the gardeners that prune the hedges inside the Ministry building.  
  
It was actually pretty funny.  
  
On Friday night, I got to dinner rather early. I sat down at the empty end of the Slytherin table, far too caffeine-deprived at the moment to feel like any socialization. But ironically then, the Weasley came over to me, there not being too many people in the hall to look at me oddly.  
  
And so there went my plan.  
  
"What is it Weasley, I'm too tired to deal with you. Besides, I'm not forced to any more," I mumbled, pouring coffee into my sugar.  
  
This didn't seem to put a damper on her mood at all. In fact, she looked downright perky. I scowled at this. I was usually much more of a night person than morning, much like my darling cousin, but it had been a long and Granger-filled week. I wasn't very happy.  
  
"I simply decided to tell you that I just broke up with Seamus."  
  
Now, Weasley and I were not friends. But we were not bitter enemies, either, unlike my "relationship" remained with Potter. The thing just was, you just couldn't watch Titanic and have an ongoing stupid aphrodisiac joke with someone and not be on speaking terms with them.  
  
You just couldn't.  
  
But anyway. "Oh really. That's lovely. Okay, why did you feel the need to tell me that? Since when have you been going out with Finnigan? AND, whatever happened to your whole, you know, all boys are moronic losers thing?"  
  
Weasley rolled her eyes. "I don't know, I'd just did. I started dating Seamus this morning but now I'm not any more. And.well, now that I'm back at Hogwarts, I don't feel like hating boys any more."  
  
I rolled my eyes back at her. "Right. You know, there are some people out there that actually have long-standing relationships with each other, and, you know, like each other." I mean, just because I don't HAVE morals doesn't mean I can't try to get other people to have them.  
  
Weasley sighed. "Yes, but I'm not really one of them. How can I be expected to stick with just one man? I ask you, how?"  
  
"I honestly don't know, Weasley." I sipped at my coffee and scanned the table for some sort of energizing nourishment. "However riveting I find this aimless conversation, I really find myself wondering why all this would concern me."  
  
This seemed to be the part Weasley was waiting for. "Well, you're in Slytherin."  
  
"Why yes, I am. Slow on the uptake, are you?"  
  
Weasley shot me a glare. "Shut up, I'm not finished. Okay, Blaise Zabini is SUCH a hottie, and he's in Slytherin with you."  
  
I was sick of people trying to manipulate my brilliant mind and use it for their own shallow, sex-driven minds. I deserved to be treated better than the slave all the morons around me were trying to turn me into. Especially Weasley. What had SHE ever done for me? "Yeah, so what do you want me to do about it?"  
  
She sighed again. "You're being purposely stupid. I want you to set me up with him."  
  
"Well, I don't feel like it."  
  
"Oh, come on. It's not like you have anything else to do."  
  
"EXCUSE me, Weasley, but my social calender is very full at the moment." She stared. "Okay, it's really not, but I don't want to play matchmaker."  
  
"Malfoy.please?" She was trying to suck me in to her trap. I would not stand for it.  
  
"Only if you set me up with Granger, because she is, like, SUCH a hottie." I rolled my eyes. "Seriously though, Weasley. You seem to be the type of girl that wouldn't mind asking a guy out." Not really, but I was sick of her. "Now flee. I'll think about it."  
  
Weasley glared at me again and went back to the Gryffindor table. I quite gladly returned to my dinner and coffee.  
  
No one ever appreciated me.  
  
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Later that evening, I had "Prefect" (notice I say that with quotes, it's a total joke) duties. Pansy, Granger, the Weasel and I all had to patrol and make sure none of the immature delinquents that were below us on the food chain were out past curfew.  
  
Actually, that's really a bit of a lie. We never really did anything. Whenever it was my turn, I just wandered around the school and sometimes did my part to disturb the peace. Sometimes. Other times I just sat in the shadows and pounced on anyone that wasn't supposed to be out of bed.  
  
It was cool.  
  
Anyway, Pansy, Weasel, and I were all standing around in the dungeons, waiting for Granger to show up so we could all split up. Why we had to meet just to split up, I have no idea, but that's the way it is.  
  
Granger was really not one to be late, so we were all rather annoyed when she showed up at 9:15, exactly FIFTEEN minutes after we were supposed to meet. I had to wonder what would make Granger of all people late.  
  
She was out of breath by the time she reached us. "Sorry I'm late, I was-"  
  
I cut her off, smirking. "No need, Granger. We know where you were."  
  
She raised her eyebrows at me. "You do?"  
  
I nodded. "Yeah. Just answer me this, I'm dying to know. Which do you prefer, broom closets or empty classrooms? I'm really more of an empty classroom man myself, you know, lots of empty desk space.and I'm sure your private stash of SUGAR QUILLS does quite well for you."  
  
Granger was staring at me with an odd look on her face. "I swear, Malfoy, you are the most perverted person I know."  
  
I grinned. "Thank you."  
  
She rolled her eyes. "But seriously, I was in the library. I had to return a book."  
  
I smirked at her again. "Sure you were, Granger." She glared at me. Meanwhile, Pansy and Weasley just stood there, watching us. I turned to them. "Um.should we split up now?"  
  
And Granger thought she could fool me.  
  
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A while later, I'd only made a single catch. Or a double. I'd found two second years sneaking off (no doubt looking for one of Granger's broom closets), so I took them and tried to think of something to do with them.  
  
I mean, this may seem like a trivial decision, but it was really a tough one. I could always take them to McGonagall (Gryffindors, they were always Gryffindors), but where's the fun in that? Of course, we had been directly instructed to take anyone we found to their head of house, but I just didn't feel like it.  
  
I was pondering this when Zaitzev happened to walk by. He had dark circles under his eyes and was carrying a mug. He stared at me as he passed. A thought struck me. "Zaitzev!"  
  
He turned his head to look at me. "Yes, Malfoy?"  
  
"Do you think I'd get in trouble if I hung these two from a window by their ankles?" I said thoughtfully. I was seriously considering it, and the second years believed it. They looked at me fearfully.  
  
Zaitzev blinked. "Um.not a bad idea, but I think your Ministry probably frowns upon things such as that." He looked at the second years. "You're Gryffindors, right?"  
  
They nodded. He turned back to me. "Eh, just take them to McGonagall. It's not really worth it."  
  
He made to turn around and leave, but suddenly he stopped. He leaned down toward the puny little Gryffindors and said in a quiet voice, "What did you do?"  
  
The second years stared at him, wide-eyed. One of them got the nerve to actually speak. "We.we, uh, snuck out of our dorm."  
  
Good old Zaitzev straightened up and smiled slightly. "Curfew, huh? Pretty serious stuff, boys. But you know what?" The foolish little mortals could not, or maybe just would not, reply. "Now, instead of living to a ripe old age like our law-abiding Malfoy here," he smirked at me, "you two will die young and forever burn in the eternal flames of HELL."  
  
The pathetic Gryffindor plebeians looked ready to cry. Zaitzev smiled again. "Okay, now that that's out of my system.you can take them to McGonagall now. Nighty night." He walked away.  
  
I smirked and dragged the midget ones off to McGonagall. Finally, we had a teacher that really and truly understood us.  
  
I mean, it was about time.  
  
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A/N: And there you go, another chapter for you guys. Sorry it isn't as long as the others, I just thought that was as good a place as any to end it. I'll try to update as soon as I can again, btw. Now on to all you beautiful people out there, THANK YOU FOR YOUR REVIEWS!  
  
I should be in bed, not here eating sorbet: Lol, I like your name! I'm glad you like my story, I'm glad you're going to show it to your friends, and I'm ESPECIALLY glad about Jack! Lol, thanks.  
  
RikuNghts: O.o Whoa, you added mine to your fave stories list? Dude, you're like SO cool! But anyway.I'm glad you like Zevvie, he's pretty cool, huh? If I do say so myself. Okay.yeah, um, that WOULD be odd if Pansy somehow got her hands on the potion.rather frightening though. Peace out.  
  
noseyMCnosey: Haha, I'm very glad to hear you think it's funny. Um.I dunno, I just think he's gay. I don't really know why. And about the D/G.well, I've read all these stories where D & Hr are forced to spend time together so they suddenly become friends, and I just didn't want to to do that.but I didn't want poor Draco to be all alone, so I just gave him Ginny to hang out with. That's all. And yeah, hopefully this will be a rather slow moving relationship fic.they're not just gonna be walking through the dark, empty corridors in the next chapter and randomly start snogging. That's just not the way I am.  
  
angel007: And I'm also much obliged to know someone shares my opinion! Lol. Yes, neurotic dudes are so much fun.if last chapter he was too neurotic for ya, though, I don't know how you'll feel about him in THIS one. Hehe. Thanks.  
  
some13: Something that I wrote was witty/humorous? YAY! Thank you so much, I needed that. Man, I WISH I had 40 reviews! That would be sooo cool. Thanks for the compliment.  
  
DanishGirl: Thanks, I hope you still think it's funny.  
  
nobody important: Lol, I read your review in school today.while the insane teacher was spitting on us all.yeah, don't ask. Thanks! Yeah, Jack's queer.  
  
Remember, I'll love you forever if you just PLEASE R/R! Thank you! Til next time. 


	5. Wonder where you are

Disclaimer: It ain't mine.  
  
A/N: Sorry this isn't all that long. Next one will be longer. I just didn't get a chance to write much this week, but hopefully I'll find more time. More at the bottom.  
  
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The rest of September passed in a blur.actually, it didn't really. I don't know why I always feel the need to lie about things when I know I'm just going to go back and explain them, but I guess that's just the way I am.  
  
But anyway.  
  
I ended up seeing way too much of Granger and not enough of the only love I had in the world. See, I never really believed in true love until I found mine. But alas, I thought I'd truly found my soulmate.  
  
Yes. Coffee.  
  
Seriously, though. My new classes piled me with a ton of homework, and I hardly ever had any time to enjoy the finer things in life.like a few of my precious classmates, in fact, did.  
  
I shall clarify.  
  
See, one Friday in mid-October, I was sitting at the Slytherin table, minding my own business and drinking my coffee. Professor Snape randomly came up to me and told me to meet him in his office at 8:00.  
  
I had no idea what it could possibly be about, but I assumed it was something stupid, as things like that usually were. So after I finished, I set off for the dungeons.  
  
As I passed by the library, Granger happened to be walking out. Figures she'd be in the library when all normal beings are at dinner. "Hey Granger. Now, I really have to wonder what you're doing in the library ALL ALONE when everyone else is in the Great Hall. Are you trying to hide something from me, Granger? And you're not REALLY alone, are you? You can try, but you can't fool me. I'm just good that way." Having probably talked to her more in the past few months than in the entire rest of the time I'd known her, I had quickly learned that the quickest and easiest way to annoy Granger was sexual innuendo.  
  
Granger sighed. "With you, Malfoy, why even bother trying. I'm not going to argue with you this time."  
  
"Yes you will."  
  
"But what's really the point? You're just going to end it in some perverted insinuation."  
  
I nodded approvingly. "It's about time you caught on, Granger. It's been, what, at least a few months." I smirked. "And you're supposed to be smart."  
  
Granger rolled her eyes at me.  
  
I grinned at her. "But this time, I think it's different, Granger. I can see it in your eyes. You really WERE doing immoral things in there, weren't you? Weren't you?"  
  
"Sure, Malfoy. Sure I was."  
  
"On the tables or between the bookshelves?"  
  
"Bookshelves, of course. You should have guessed." Granger was annoyed; I could tell. More fun for me.  
  
"I'm sorry. My mistake." I was, however, running low on ammunition. The caffeine was gradually fading already.  
  
She gave me a look. "I'd like to go to dinner now, if you don't mind."  
  
"Nope, Granger. I'm going to Snape's. So, for the record, this conversation was ended by me. Not you. Just so you know."  
  
"You know, Malfoy, I hardly think of what we have as actual conversations."  
  
"Sure. Bye, then." She turned around and walked off toward the Great Hall.  
  
Suddenly, I grinned again. She was walking away from me (turned around, mind you) and I just had to get in one last shot. "Hey Granger?"  
  
She didn't even turn around. Bad choice. "What?"  
  
"I just was wondering if anyone had ever told you.you have a nice ass." So easy to annoy, she was. So easy.  
  
I did, however, have reason to fear her wrath, so I just smirked and went down the stairs before she could do anything else. Not that she would, though. She was too MATURE for me.  
  
Yeah. Right.  
  
I continued on my way, but in the corridor I came across a problem. Two overeager adolescents were leaning against the wall, snogging each other unconscious. They broke apart as soon as I came into view, fortunately, and I found them to be quite familiar to me.  
  
"Well," I said to Weasley, "I told you that you didn't need my help getting him. See?"  
  
Weasley glared at me and gave me the 'Say anything else and I will bring pain unto you' look. Her new toy (Blaise, if you're wondering) just stared at me.  
  
I looked back and forth between them. Neither of them would say anything. Finally, I said, "Well, if you two would kindly take your charming hormonal escapade elsewhere, I must be going as I have to meet Professor Snape. And I'm late. So move it." And with that, I trotted off (not really, I never trot) to find my dear comrade Sev.  
  
The door to his office was slightly open, so I just walked in. He was sitting behind his desk, scowling, and looked at his watch when he saw me. "It's 8:05. You're late."  
  
I rolled my eyes. "Well, I was delayed."  
  
He narrowed his eyes at me. "Why?"  
  
"Are you aware there are people doing things innappropriate for an educational institution such as ours out in the corridor outside your classroom?" I smirked.  
  
"Hmm.I was wondering what those noises were." He looked as if he was just going to let it go for a minute, but I really should have known better with him. Snape stood up and went out into the corridor. "Weasley, Zabini, you're setting a bad example. At least most of your classmates have the decency to find a broom closet. Or at least an empty classroom. Twenty points from Gryffindor, Weasley."  
  
I could hear Weasley's outraged voice. After all, she seemed to be on a sugar quill-high and Snape had interrupted it. "WHAT? Why just Gryffindor?"  
  
Snape sneered. "Because I said so. Curb your hormones. Now flee, I don't have the time for this."  
  
I had to laugh. Even though everyone knew he didn't try to be, Snape really was awfully amusing. Too much so when it came to Gryffindors.  
  
He sat back down at his desk. "Now, where were we?"  
  
"Well, nowhere. You haven't told me why I'm here."  
  
"Oh yes. Now, last year you told me you wanted to be a Healer. Correct?"  
  
I glanced around. I didn't know where this was going. "Yes."  
  
"Right, then. Dumbledore said I had to inform you that you will be taking the entrance examination for healing school in December right before Christmas break."  
  
I stared. "But I'm only in sixth year. Isn't that next year?"  
  
Snape was now starting to smile sadistically. "No. You have to take it in sixth year. You mean you didn't know.?" I shook my head. He smirked. "Oh. I thought you knew. Oh well, not my problem. You have about six or seven weeks to prepare. I think we're done here, then. You can leave now."  
  
I still stared at him. "You're telling me this NOW? God, Snape, this is my FUTURE we're talking about here."  
  
He smiled. "Ah, yet another future I seem to have ruined for someone. You know, I often have that effect on people and I have no idea why." Now THAT was shocking. "I advise you study. Okay, now you're just wasting my time, you can leave. Goodbye, Mr. Malfoy."  
  
Snape all but shoved me out of his office, locking the door behind me in case I felt the desire to return for a late night revenge repercussion. Go figure.  
  
As I made my way down the corridor, I reflected on my position.  
  
I had a life-altering exam in six weeks that I had only just been reminded of. I had no idea what was on it. And I was far too lazy to do something about that.  
  
So basically, I was screwed.  
  
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A week later, I was no better off. Snape, being the good-hearted soul he is, kindly explained to me that the accursed exam would have five sections: Potions (easy), Defense Against the Dark Arts (fine, Zaitzev is the only decent DADA teacher I've ever had, considering he's verbally abusive and over-neurotic), Herbology (now THAT was a pansy subject if there ever was one), Transfiguration (not too bad), and Charms (DIE).  
  
As it can probably be assumed by the above captions, I hated Charms. It just annoyed me, and although I always passed it, it didn't come incredibly easy to me. There was one problem.  
  
See, Snape happened to mention to me that the exam would be on pretty much everything I was learning in my classes, particularly around that time. And in Charms, our class was just starting on a very difficult charm. Yes.the sex-change charm.  
  
I seriously think the professors are insecure about their own genders. Everyone's obsessed with sex changes all of a sudden.  
  
But sex changing, so I was told, was a very important part of my exam. Apparently there's lots of call for that for Healers. Go figure.  
  
But anyway, I knew that my time would run out only too quickly, and I wasn't anywhere close to perfecting my Charms abilities. I couldn't ask Professor Flitwick. He really scared me. I mean, he was nice and all, but he just made me incredibly frightened. Don't ask.  
  
So there was really only one thing for it, or at least only one thing I could think of. I'd have to go to Granger.  
  
I hate my life.  
  
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A/N: And there you go. Now I must address a very important issue. A few people were asking if Draco was going to end up with Hermione or Ginny. I actually thought I'd made it clear last chapter, but now that I look back on my A/N, obviously I didn't. D/G is a nasty pairing. It's evil. Die die die. Okay, so as you can see, I'm a D/Hr person. D & G are just aquaintences. K? K.  
  
My many many thanks to: relena333, relena333 (again.and thank you, lol! You rock), DanishGirl, Meggles, and forestfire.  
  
RikuNghts: Lol, Zaitzev is a weird dude. But I like him (. But yeah, as I said, it's going to be D/Hr ALL THE WAY BABY HAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
super sycoh: It's cool about Titanic, I don't really have anything against the movie itself, I just like to make fun of things. But don't even worry about the D/G thing, Draco just likes to make fun of her. And Ginny was just trying to manipulate Draco into getting her a new plaything. And I'm glad you like my portrayal of Draco.  
  
SEE YA PEOPLE. 


	6. Heads we will and tails we'll try again

Disclaimer: Are you kidding me?  
  
A/N: Ech.yeah. I don't even know if this is OOC or not. I think I have made them true to the personalities each of them seem to have in my story itself, though, so I don't think it's too bad. Someone hold me, I'm nervous. I know I'm going to get flamed. *cowers in the corner*  
  
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It was a Friday night, so I knew there was only one place Granger would be. See, everyone in the school had a place to go on weekends. Yeah. Everyone knows exactly what I'm talking about.  
  
But really, Granger was the only person that was different. I knew she'd be at the library. I mean, it was only plausible. She was Granger.  
  
And there she was.  
  
Even though the library was completely devoid of all life form (except for her, of course), Granger was sitting in the farthest corner of the library. She was surrounded by piles of books (obviously) and was deeply engrossed in the book right in front of her. So, it broke my heart to have to interrupt her.  
  
Haha. Right.  
  
I strode over to her and took the chair right next to her. Granger looked up at me, eyebrows raised in an annoyed manner, and I flashed her a grin. "Hey, Granger. How's it going?"  
  
It was not the time for sarcastic remarks. I needed something from her, after all.  
  
No, not that. I needed help with my CHARMS.  
  
And not THOSE kind of charms, either. God.  
  
But anyway. She sighed and turned back to her book. "Just cut to your dirty remark and leave me alone, Malfoy. I don't have time for this."  
  
I turned to her seriously. "Granger, I have to ask you something."  
  
"Do you really. What could that be?"  
  
I sighed. "I need help with my sex change."  
  
I had worded that completely wrong, but the embarrassment was beyond worth the priceless look on her face. She turned slowly to look at me, her eyes dangerously wide and her mouth slightly open. "I'm getting the feeling that I've missed something, Malfoy. Or maybe you're starting to swing, as you might say, like Jack."  
  
And there was a confession. I had finally won the argument; JACK REALLY WAS GAY.  
  
But anyway. "Um, yeah. That.really came out wrong. So I guess I'll start at the beginning."  
  
"Uh huh," she said disinterestedly, looking down at her book again. She was just trying to hide the fact that she wanted me. I could tell. "You do just that."  
  
"Well, the only person, other than you now, I guess, that knows this is Snape. I've decided that after graduation, I'm going on to become a Healer."  
  
She looked at me, eyebrows once again raised in disbelief. I didn't really think it was all that strange, but obviously she did. "You? A Healer?" she asked incredulously. I nodded. "But you don't even like people!"  
  
I had to grin a little at that. "So? It's the only thing I could really see myself doing after school."  
  
Granger shrugged. "That's all fine and well, but what does it have to do with," she smirked a bit, "you and your sex change?"  
  
I rolled my eyes. Granger was obviously spending too much time with me; I was rubbing off on her. I was corrupting her mind. "I am NOT planning on getting a sex change any time in the near future. But let me go on."  
  
Granger nodded, still smirking slightly, so I just continued. "So to get into Healing school after Hogwarts, I have to take some entrance exam. In, like, five weeks. I'm pretty okay in all the other subjects, but I suck at Charms. I can't stand them. I mean, I can do them alright, but I'm just not great."  
  
Granger nodded again. "So how does this all concern me?"  
  
"God, Granger, haven't you figured it out yet?" I knew she knew what I wanted, but she just stared at me, forcing me to say it. "I need you to help me study Charms."  
  
"Well, when you put it as a statement like that, it doesn't sound terribly appealing to me. You could try saying please."  
  
I sighed. She was purposely making this annoying for me. But I was beyond screwed if I didn't get her to help me. "Granger, will you please help me with my Charms? I eternally bow to thee and am officially recognizing thy mind as superior to my own." Now there was NO way she could resist that. Here I was, embarrassing myself in public (not really public, as no one else was there, but still), and she couldn't just say no. I mean, that is just cold.  
  
She looked around thoughtfully. "And why should I help you?"  
  
Granger SO did not turn me down. If she did, I may as well have made like an ostrich and stuck my head in the ground.  
  
That would be slightly uncomfortable, if you ask me.  
  
"Have I not made it clear, Granger? I NEED YOUR HELP. And okay, I am sorry about the ass comment last week. But," I had to add this, "I won't back down, you do have a nice ass." She stared at me, shocked. Contrary to what she thought, however, I really was quite serious. "But seriously.what do you want from me?"  
  
Once again, she picked up her book and resumed reading, as she said, "I don't want anything from you, Malfoy. I just want you to stop being such a jerk."  
  
"That's something, and you just said you didn't want anything. But that's not the point. I'm not a jerk.is it MY fault I'm just trying to do my Prefect duty of looking out for the wellbeing of the younger students? I don't want their minds corrupted by seeing something they shouldn't be. And I especially want to make sure that it's not YOU they see doing these things. After all," I smirked, "you're a ROLE MODEL."  
  
Granger shook her head. "And here I was, thinking you were turning into a real person. But then there you go again, off on a perverted tangent. Well, I'll be seeing you, I guess."  
  
I sighed. She just wouldn't give in. "Come on, Granger. I have to take this test in five weeks, and without you it's a hopeless case for me." When in doubt, just suck up to someone. It often works.  
  
"Really. And what will you do if any of your dear Slytherin friends were to see us together? What would you tell them?"  
  
I rolled my eyes. "Well obviously, Granger, I'd tell them the truth. I'd tell them all about our passionate love affair. Of course, it would be complete with graphic descriptions, in vivid detail, of our late night encounters in the restricted section of the library. I mean, it has to be restricted for a reason."  
  
Granger actually looked like she was going to honestly laugh, definitely a first for something I'd said. "You know what the scary part is about that?"  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"I think you really would say something like that."  
  
I smirked. "Too right I would. But really, they'd be too stupid to notice anything. So.does that mean a yes?" I asked hopefully.  
  
Granger thought for a moment. "You know what? Fine. But no slacking off, or I swear I'm kicking you to the curb."  
  
"Are there any curbs in Hogwarts?"  
  
"There probably are a few in Hogsmeade."  
  
I shook my head. She was the smartest in the year. I was probably second to her. We were both Prefects. And yet, we always seemed to be rambling on about the stupidest things.  
  
We were both silent for a moment. Suddenly, Granger spoke. "Malfoy?"  
  
"Talk to me."  
  
"Is this the first civilized conversation we've had?"  
  
I thought about this. "Well, it at least started as a conversation. So yeah, I guess so."  
  
She nodded. "So when is your exam?"  
  
"The last weekend before Christmas break. I've got a few weeks left to master the charms we're working on. Of course, there's always the chance that I'll fail the test and end up cleaning tables and stealing change off the floor of the Three Broomsticks. But hopefully I won't have to fall back on that plan."  
  
Granger stared at me. She clearly thought I was insane. Or she clear wanted me. It was often hard to tell. "Right then, Malfoy. Well, let's get to work."  
  
It was my turn to stare at her. "Um.now?"  
  
Granger rolled her eyes at me. "Hello, you only have five weeks to improve your knowledge of an entire subject! If I only had five weeks for that.well, I'm not sure what I'd do, but-"  
  
"It would probably end in a drunk night in Hogsmeade and an interesting encounter with a Swedish man named Sven on an unswept sidewalk?"  
  
She glanced at me. "Right. Exactly what I was going to say. You know, Malfoy, has anyone ever told you that you have a very vivid imagination?"  
  
I nodded. "Often."  
  
"Okaaaay. But back to the point, do you want to do well or not?"  
  
I raised an eyebrow at her. "If I didn't want to do well, why would I have spent the last half an hour trying to convince you to help me do so?"  
  
Granger nodded. "That's what I thought. So let's get to work. And remember, no slacking off."  
  
"Or I'm going to the curb?"  
  
"That's right."  
  
I thought about this. "It wouldn't, perchance, happen to be the curb of the same sidewalk that was the location of your and Sven's rendezvous, would it?"  
  
"Actually, it would."  
  
"I know my mind is overcreative. You don't have to tell me."  
  
"Don't worry, I wasn't going to."  
  
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And so, my FAVORITE new Gryffindor and I spent the next hour and a half going over basic Charms theory. As could be expected from Granger, as time went on, she only got more excited. Her energy seemed to multiply at the speed of oversexed Canadian geese as my watch ticked away. After all, we were studying. Obviously she thrived on schoolwork. It was like coffee was for me, I supposed.  
  
Speaking of which, by the time I was finally dismissed (11:00), I was desperately deprived of my coffee. I needed one of two things: coffee or sleep. It being eleven o'clock, dinner was long since over. And I was too lazy to go down to the kitchens.  
  
And I didn't really feel like being caught by Filch or Mrs. Norris. As can also be expected, Granger didn't seem to mind breaking curfew so much if it was for *studying*. Plus, I don't think she really realized we did.  
  
So my only other option was sleep. I dragged myself off to my dormitory, somehow avoiding all possible trouble on my way. As I pulled myself up the stairs, I reflected on the evening.  
  
I didn't like Granger. And she didn't like me. That much was painfully obvious. But she was a good teacher, and she was better than Flitwick. I mean, he's just one scary bloke.  
  
So that was really how I found myself faced with the prospect of being with Granger.and I mean voluntarily. Kind of. I wasn't really forced to, but I didn't have much choice.  
  
My mind was too tired to think much, but I could recognize something. Granger wasn't really as annoying as she used to be. She just wasn't all that bad any more.  
  
Not that I liked her. I mean, it was going to be a LONG five weeks.  
  
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A/N: WHEW! I wrote almost this entire chapter (minus about two paragraphs) in one day. I was inspired because today I was over my friend's house and we watched.TITANIC! *laughlaugh* Yeah. Sometime later on I'm gonna find a way to have Draco and Hermy watch it again.TOGETHER! MWAHAHA! Okay. This chapter wasn't too horrible, was it? I don't know how long it's gonna be until I get another one out, but on to the important part, my awesome reviewers!  
  
A big ol' THANK YOU to: Meg, me, DanishGirl, Tinuviel FireStorm (twice!), and DarkLights.  
  
RikuNghts: Hahaha.I hope you liked the bit I've actually written about him asking her. I think it's completely random, but that's sort of the way I am. So I really hope you like it. And very glad you liked the ass comment, lol. But Draco was serious, as he mentioned in this chapter.hmm perhaps some D/Hr foreshadowing? I'm not saying anything.oh wait I already told everyone this is gonna be a D/Hr.oh well! Toodles!  
  
aurienna: I was originally just going to write it in third person like everyone else does, but then I thought hey why not, it'll be better in first. And hence my story. Umm.I think it'll probably be on the slightly longer side, but I'm not entirely sure yet. You mentioned that I haven't even gotten to the romance yet.heh that's good right? I always prefer it to take a while, but that's just me. Anyway, thanks, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
  
relena333: Yeah, I know, down with D/G. It just doesn't work. It's awesome that you think my story's funnier than the others you've read, I hope I can keep it funny! Btw, I watched Titanic today.LOL! And about the coffee.welp, I'm probably gonna marry my coffee, so.yeah, there's Draco for you.  
  
Ehlonna: Lol, he is kind of immature, no? But at least he's trying a little harder in this chapter, as he needs dear Hermione's help. But yeah, I've always kind of imagined to be this guy that's slightly perverted and always making dirty comments.but no one knows that he's really a virgin underneath that perverted façade of his! *cackles* NOW YOU KNOW! Sorry, I'm shutting up now.  
  
And Meggles: Yeah. Right. They WILL snog eventually, hold your horses. Oh yeah, and another thing.BEND, WOMAN! Hahaha.  
  
And that's me out. PLEASE REVIEW MY DARLINGS! 


	7. I'm not gonna hate you for it

Disclaimer: Oh come on, you think it's mine? Go right ahead and sue me, though. It's not like you'll get anything out of it.  
  
A/N: Oh, the sadness. You know what, people? Twenty-four. That's it. Twenty- four. *smirkysmirk* Sorry. Lol. Just ignore that. I'm in a weird mood. Well, no one flamed me, so I'm assuming the last chapter was okay. I hope this one will be, too. Like I said, I have self esteem issues.  
  
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And I was right, as I always was.  
  
It was turning out to be a long five weeks. And it was only the first week.  
  
'Twas Thursday afternoon, and I was again in the library. For the first time (at least, as far as I could remember), it was actually somewhat full. Since the term was at least beginning to wind down, everyone seemed to have big tests (most likely from Sev, haha, evil bloke he is) coming up. And so, they chose the Granger way: When in doubt, study.  
  
Of course, it's not like that's what everyone was actually doing. It was the loudest I had ever heard the library.  
  
But that didn't have to be terribly loud, so whatever.  
  
Granger was off looking for books, books, and maybe a few more books, while I tried to busy myself with the one I had at hand. It proved difficult, however, what with the noise.  
  
Of course, there was always the fact that Weasley was loudly telling to anyone in the library that would listen her heart wrenching tale of joy and woe, pleasure and pain, lust and love (but mostly lust).that is, the almost two-week-old relationship of Blaise and herself.  
  
It was quite a tragic yet heartwarming story. Very.Shakespeare-esque, if I may say so.  
  
Okay, so not really.  
  
But anyway.I was starting to regret asking Granger for help at the sight of her carrying back to the table a tower of books taller than herself.  
  
Well, she's probably more than half a foot shorter than me. But still, it was a lot of books.  
  
My train of thought altered by the mindless at this point, I shut my book and glared at Weasley. "Look, Weasley, NO ONE cares about you and Blaise. We all know it's not even going to last until Christmas. And most importantly, I'M GOING TO FAIL THIS TEST IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP." That calmed my nerves. I took a deep breath.  
  
"Well, Malfoy, if you don't want to hear it, then don't listen!" Weasley sniffed indignantly. She then continued with her rant.  
  
"You are a PREFECT, you're supposed to be setting a good example!" Not only was I not happy, but I was also having no luck prying Granger's demon cat off of my shoulders, where he had permanately attatched himself with the use of his claws.  
  
"And how am I not?"  
  
"Well, you ARE wallowing in self-pity while you should be studying. Then, there's always the fact that you're disturbing the peace of the library while others are trying to study. So if I fail my test and don't get into Healing school and my future is ruined and I end up working at a coffee shop," not too terrible, but that's not the point, "trying to keep myself alive on the Knuts in the tip cup, then guess what? It will be on YOUR HEAD."  
  
It should be mentioned that by now, the remainder of the crowd in the library had abandoned their own studying to watch Weasley and I go back and forth (I, of course, winning).  
  
"I am NOT wallowing in self-pity," Weasley retorted, "and even if I was, I would be free to wallow in self-pity wherever I choose."  
  
I sighed and turned to Granger, who was now flipping through another book next to me. On a slightly better note, however, I finally managed to pry It off me and dropped him on the ground. "Is there anything you can do to get this girl to stop? I'm all out."  
  
Granger rolled her eyes and looked up at Weasley, annoyed at the disturbance. "Ginny, could you please tell people about you and Blaise somewhere else? We're trying to study, and if Malfoy fails this he's going to blame me and I don't really want that on my conscience."  
  
Weasley shrugged. "Okay." She walked out. Everyone in the library let out an audible sigh of relief, and turned back to their books (or rather, what was really hidden inside those books.I was still suspicious of Granger).  
  
And so, all was relatively quiet in the library once more. At least, as quiet as it could really ever be at Hogwarts.  
  
Of course, there were always the occasional disturbing noises coming from the Restricted Section. But I don't think we'll get into that.  
  
I turned to look at Granger. "How did you do that? She never listens to me!"  
  
Granger just shrugged. "But that's because everything you do or say is done or said in sarcasm. Apparently Ginny doesn't appreciate that."  
  
"Oh." Of course, it was my sarcasm that just added to my overall charm. Granger, obviously, knew this. She would just never admit it.  
  
So anyway, I leaned over to see what she was looking up. My eyes widened as I realized what the purpose of the spell on that particular page was. "A contraceptive charm?!"  
  
Granger nodded. "It's supposed to be important. I'm sure you'll be tested on it." Now, above all things, THAT really didn't come out right. And I mean REALLY. "You KNOW what I mean, I meant on your exam!" Granger cried, seeing the look on my face.  
  
Sure.  
  
But anyway. The suggestiveness of my sixth year's curriculum, especially compared to the previous year's, was really quite astounding. I voiced this opinion to Granger.  
  
She seemed reluctant to wander further from the actual studying, but replied anyway. "How so?"  
  
"Well, think about it. First we have the sex change potion from Snape, and that was probably the last thing expected from him. Then we have the sex change CHARM from Flitwick, which, by the way, I STILL need a bit of work on. Now we've got this contraceptive charm. I swear, Granger, just think about it."  
  
"That's only three things, though."  
  
And Granger was missing the point. But there had to be something else. "Um.well, there's the recent obsession with sugar quills. Then that thing Zaitzev told about those.things that have venom in their fangs that's an APHRODISIAC!"  
  
Granger frowned. "What do you mean, sugar quills? You're the only one that's obsessed with sugar quills."  
  
I shook my head. "No, Weasley too."  
  
"And that really makes a difference."  
  
"I think it does."  
  
"Can we get back to Charms now?"  
  
"If we have to."  
  
And, alas, so we did.  
  
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After yet another hour of studying, we still had one more class before I was liberated for the day. And who, really, was the only person you could possibly end your day on a happy note with, but Zaitzev?  
  
Granger seemed excited at the prospect of being faced with more work to do. I only dragged myself off to class because I knew it would only be a short matter of time after class was over that I would have my coffee again.  
  
Everyone always said I should stay away from coffee. Said I'd get addicted. And I did. So, do I regret it?  
  
Yeah, right. But that's not the point.  
  
I sat, as usual, sat the back of the classroom. Granger, as usual, sat at the front of the classroom. And Pansy, as she often attempted to do if I got there early enough, practically threw herself at the desk nearest me.  
  
I hate the teen years.  
  
Zaitzev strode in, glared at us all, and sat behind his desk. Everyone stared at each other for a minute, when finally Zaitzev spoke. "I don't like Thursdays." And so, everyone stared again, as was the custom. "Really. I mean, they're almost Friday. And Fridays are good. But they're NOT Friday. So you have to go through the whole day knowing that you've still got another day left until the weekend. I hate it."  
  
I thought he kind of had a point. But nevertheless, no one ceased their staring. "You guys are even more out of it today than you usually are. You're starting to remind me of the rest of the brainless morons I have to deal with."  
  
And still, no one said anything. It wasn't like remarks such as this were unusual. "Fine. If no one will sarcastically spar with me, then I'll make you all work. Would you rather actually learn something? TOO BAD, YOU WILL ANYWAY!" He started laughing maniacally.  
  
Zaitzev could really be quite strange at times.  
  
It's not like he actually made us do work, anyway. He was too lazy. Instead, he just opened his book. "Alright, turn to page 513 in your books. We're going to be starting a section I think the guys will enjoy. Welcome to the wonderful world of VEELA."  
  
I started to snigger, remembering my lovely (yet untrue) account of the encounter between a Veela and myself at the Quidditch World Cup to Weasley and Granger.  
  
Yet, as was obviously our tradition, I was ignored.  
  
And so, sometime later, Zaitzev was telling us some long-winded story about him and a bunch of Veela from some time he was in Brazil.  
  
But of course, I felt the need to interrupt to share one of the pointless facts from an endless supply stored nowhere but my own mind. I raised my hand.  
  
Zaitzev sighed. "Yes, Malfoy, WHAT do you have to amaze and astound us with today?"  
  
"Did you know that in Brazil, they call ping pong 'pingy pongy'?" And it's true. I'm sorry, but I just find that insanely amusing.  
  
Zaitzev rolled his eyes. "No, I didn't, actually."  
  
"Well, it's true."  
  
"Thank you. That's fascinating, really. Anyway, back to the Veela."  
  
And so, Zaitzev continued to tell us about the Veela. But I could tell he was seriously amazed about the pingy pongy. Really.  
  
When he finally got to the good part (meaning, of course, the Veela's seductive powers), I raised my hand again. "What now?"  
  
I smirked. Granger, her eyes wide, seemed to sense this and turned around to look at me. She shook her head. I nodded, grinning at her. She turned back around and put her head in her hands. "You didn't happen to be at the Quidditch World Cup a few years ago when it was in England, did you?"  
  
"Why no, I didn't."  
  
"Well, there was a Death Eater attack and there were all these Veela and it was really loud and annoying and kind of strange, but anyway, there was this one Veela, and all these sugar quills, and-"  
  
"Malfoy," Zaitzev interrupted, "however fascinating your story is, I know that it's going to have a bad ending. So I'm not going to allow it to continue. MOVING on."  
  
It was a very sad thing that I didn't get to finish my charming (yet still untrue) tale of the Veela. But, somehow, I survived.  
  
When Zaitzev finished his seemingly pointless talk, he sat down on his desk. He turned to me. "You know, I don't think I ever told any of you this story. I went to Durmstrang, but before that, when I was eleven years old, I was at a muggle school back in Russia, which is where I'm from. So anyway, I imagine I was like our very own Malfoy here.always making dirty comments, annoying the teachers.you know, the usual."  
  
I smirked. Now he had no right to condemn me any more; he used to be the same.  
  
"We had this one teacher that, I swear, was a couple of centuries old. And she was a muggle. Well, I was always saying things she didn't approve of, and one day she just cracked. She started chasing me around the room with her cane and tried to kill me with it, but I jumped out the window." He nodded happily. "Good times, good times."  
  
Everyone stared for a minute. Finally, the Weasel spoke. "What floor were you on?"  
  
"It was either the second or third; I don't really remember," Zaitzev said cheerfully.  
  
Pansy's jaw dropped, and she stared at him, wide-eyed. "You mean you didn't DIE?" she squawked.  
  
Everyone turned to look at Pansy; Zaitzev, however, looked at her as if she was actually insane. "Of COURSE I didn't die, why else would I be here? Besides, it wasn't that high. And I was a wizard, so I was actually okay.when I came to," he added, smiling.  
  
The class blinked at him simultaneously.  
  
"What? I was!"  
  
I sighed. Fortunately, the bell rang, and everyone rushed out.  
  
See, here's the problem. With only about a month left until my exam, now was the time that I really started to actually need what I was supposed to be learning in class.  
  
Is that so hard? It obviously is, because when I really needed my education, I was being deprived of it due to pointless lectures and stories.  
  
Oh well, I thought as I finally found some coffee and poured it into a mug, relieved. Another month with Granger.  
  
And, of course, I still had to perfect my sex change charm. But I had an idea of what I could do.  
  
Heh heh.  
  
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A/N: Uh ohhhhhhhh.what's our man planning on doing? Only I know, ahaha! You guys will have to wait. You'll all probably think it's incredibly retarded, but it's actually based on something I want to do. Don't worry, you'll find out soon enough. And if you want the next chapter to be out as soon as possible.PLEASE just review!  
  
Now on to those who have already reviewed, thanks to: relena333, Ehlonna, and nobody important.  
  
RikuNghts: Lol! I told my friend in school I was thinking of using that line in my story (she reads it, and this was before I wrote that chapter, of course) and she was like "YES!" so naturally, I did. Feel free, and I hope you like this chapter. It's kind of random, but then again, what isn't in this story?  
  
super sycoh: Hehe, yup, Jack is surely swinging. We were talking about the Titanic (the actually ship) in school the other day, and I was like "JACK'S GAY!" But that's just the way I am. Lol. Oh yeah, and Sven is just some made up guy my aunt likes.eh, don't ask.  
  
DanishGirl: I kind of made Draco the way I am.meaning, I always try to turn conversations that way. But don't worry about the English.:D man I barely speak English and I'm American, haha!  
  
draco's darling: Sure you do.  
  
burgundyred: Well, coffee is my soulmate, so naturally it had to be Draco's too. And Jack.I just like to make fun of stuff. Lol. I particularly enjoyed writing the sentence about the geese myself. Draco's a perv because.um, I guess it's just kind of funny. But finally, I'm so glad you said that about the snogging! I plan on taking it slowly, but my friend is like "MAKE THEM SNOG HAHAHAHA" and I'm like "NO HAHAHAHA." Okay then. And I usually try to do spell check, but I always forget, so I'll try to be better about that. Finally, I'm sure someday you'll understand the 'Jack is queer' argument, don't worry! I'll get to it; they'll watch it, lol. Wow, this is a long note.um, thanks for the review! Hope you like this.  
  
Meggles: Did you see it? Did you see it? Hahahahahaha, burgundyred told me to wait on the snogging! Someone AGREES WITH ME.so you can wait. Lol. See you later.  
  
Okie dokie, that's all. PLEASE REVIEW! 


	8. Lust in your charms

Disclaimer: It's not mine. HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE.  
  
A/N: Um.55 REVIEWS WHOOOOOOOOO! Can I get a WHAT WHAT? Yeah! I'm so excited, I didn't think I'd get that many! You guys rock SO much. Keep up the good work, and please keep reviewing! *wink* By the way, you guys should be able to figure this chapter out. I mean, we're dealing with Draco, we can't expect him to just sit back and FAIL the stupid test, can we? Hehe. Don't ask. And also, the chapter title.heh heh I was listening to a Clay Aiken song (3 guesses what it was about) and I heard a line wrong, even though it was really easy to understand.I thought the wrong-heard line would be a good chapter title. ON with the show.  
  
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It wasn't like Granger ever said that I couldn't practice on animals.  
  
She really should have been more specific. She knew I'd end up doing something she wouldn't approve of if she didn't clearly define what I should and shouldn't do in the world of Charms.  
  
So, naturally, I took free reign with this.  
  
I waited another week to take my plan into effect. After dinner on that Thursday night, I scoured the castle, searching for my newest victim. It really must have been a sign, therefore, that the first one I found was Mrs. Norris.  
  
When I saw her, I was overcome with a joy I had never known before, not even with coffee. I know that's saying quite a lot, but it was true. I was going to live the dream of every student that had ever passed through Hogwarts during the reign of Filch: CORRUPT MRS. NORRIS.  
  
I really should have just brought her back to my dormitory (as I couldn't get caught there.probably), but I didn't want her tainting it, so I just went to the library. I didn't care if I got in trouble. It would be worth it.  
  
But I still should have gone to my dormitory. Will explain.  
  
After several useless attempts (and my arms getting so scratched up and bloody I could barely move them, but I did anyway), I finally succeeded. And from that moment on, Mrs. Norris would be officially known as Mr. Norris.  
  
Or at least, by me. I always kind of wondered what happened to Mr. Norris. I mean really, if she's a Mrs. Norris, then either there's a long lost Mr. Norris stranded in some dark alleyway in Taiwan living off what's left on the bones of fish from the trash barrel outside a restaurant, or.well, he croaked.  
  
But there really had to be one. Or maybe Filch just never really thought it through. I suppose it will never be known.  
  
I was celebrating my newfound triumph at finally conquering the sex change charm, when I decided I had better make sure I was able to correctly execute the charm. But now that I had sufficiently tainted Mrs. Norris (excuse me, MR. Norris), I didn't plan on changing him/her/it back.  
  
But luckily enough, it was then that I found my newly sworn mortal enemy skulking around the restricted section.  
  
No, unfortunately it was NOT Potter. Now THAT would have been sweet, sweet revenge. But it wasn't bad, all the same.  
  
I dragged Crookshanks over to my lovely little secluded corner of the library (yes, it was the Snog Section, it was the only shielded area I could find.I'm sure the strange noises coming from behind the bookshelves would have implied a bit more than snogging to innocent passerby, though), as he screeched and clawed at me. My arms, however, were by that time too numb to feel anything.  
  
As soon as I had performed the sex change charm and Crookshanks was finally free to attack me in all her Man-I-feel-like-a-woman ferocity, I heard Granger come in, calling for Crookshanks.  
  
Fearing the consequences I would have to face if she found me, I hid under a random table and threw both cats clear over the nearest bookshelf. No, I am not an animal abuser. It's just that these particular animals happened to be human abusers, constantly torturing me. So I was really doing nothing wrong.  
  
I had an impaired but still decent view from underneath the table. Granger seemed to be shocked that two cats had struck her from free fall, and was coming closer, trying to figure out the cause.  
  
I was stupid enough to think she didn't see me. Sadly, however, she did. Granger leaned down to stare at me. "Malfoy.what are you doing down there?"  
  
I shrugged. "I don't know. Seemed like a good place to study. Care to join me?"  
  
Granger still stared. "Why did you throw my cat and Mrs. Norris at me? They could've died. Actually, I could have died too."  
  
I took the opportunity to just stare back at her. "I have no idea what you're talking about."  
  
Granger blinked at me. "I'm not stupid OR blind, you know. You really think I didn't see you dive under that table?"  
  
"Actually, yes, I did."  
  
"Well, I did. Care to explain?"  
  
"Kind of."  
  
"I don't care. What were you doing with my cat?"  
  
I crawled out from under the table and stood up, careful to take a good few steps away from her, afraid. "Well.you, um.I wasn't really getting the sex change charm without practice and you TOLD me to practice, didn't you?"  
  
Granger's eyes widened. "No, don't tell me you.you didn't.you didn't do that to CROOKSHANKS, did you? I swear, Malfoy, if you did."  
  
I didn't really want her to finish. "Maybe?"  
  
She swung her frightening, heavy-looking bookbag at my head. I ducked under the table, but when I returned, still scared, she seemed slightly calmer. Still not calm, but closer. "Why did you steal my cat?"  
  
"Hey, I didn't STEAL your cat. It was just, you know, there."  
  
Granger glared at me. "Change him back, now."  
  
"Crookshanks is no longer a he; I'd appreciate it if you'd refer to her as a 'her' for as long as she is a woman."  
  
"Which will be no longer! Change HER back! Happy?"  
  
"Yes, I am. Thank you." I smirked.  
  
"Move it."  
  
"Yes ma'am." I picked Crookshanks up and put HER on the table. "Are you sure? Because I think you should really give this a try before you-"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Okay."  
  
And, alas, I did have to change her (now a him, so will now be referred to as such as of now.confusing? I don't really think so) back. Granger smacked me when I handed him back to her.  
  
It hurt.  
  
But suddenly, Granger remembered something. "Wasn't Mrs. Norris here, too?"  
  
I shook my head. "No."  
  
She frowned. "Yes she was."  
  
I shook my head again, and I was telling the truth. "I'm sorry, but Mrs. Norris is no more. There is now only Mr. Norris."  
  
Granger sighed. "Malfoy-"  
  
Once again, I shook my head. "Nope, not changing him back. I assure you I have done the entire student population a favor by this."  
  
Granger looked at me for a minute, before finally saying, "You know what? Fine. I'm just going to let it go. But if Filch finds out you kidnapped his cat, I was never involved. Isn't that right?"  
  
"Sure is."  
  
"Well.I was going to just go find you to study some more, but obviously you've improved your sex change charm. I guess I'll let you go for tonight."  
  
I shrugged. "Good with me." I started to walk away. "See you, Granger."  
  
"That's another thing! Don't call me Granger. It makes me feel like a bloke. I don't care if you hate me, but I stop calling me by my last name."  
  
Okayyyyyyy.that was completely out of the blue. But it was a lie; I didn't HATE Granger anymore, I just liked to annoy her.  
  
"That was random, HERMIONE."  
  
"I know, but I just felt the need, and thank you. I just don't want you calling me Granger for another month. I feel better." She pulled on her bookbag and began to walk away.  
  
"Oh, and HERMIONE?" I couldn't just let this go completely.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"In that case, you have to call me Draco." Smirk. But really, the only one that really called me Draco was Pansy. Malfoy makes me feel trapped. It robs me of my identity. It suffocates me slowly until my last breath is gone and I die slowly and in immense pain.  
  
Okay, not really. But if I had to call her by her first name, then she had to call me by mine.  
  
She shrugged. "If you want me to."  
  
"Okay. Goodnight, HERMIONE."  
  
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I went up to Granger-oops, I mean HERMIONE-in the Great Hall the next morning after breakfast, right before classes started. Potter and Weasley were there as well, but I ignored them. I grinned at her. "Hey, HERMIONE."  
  
"Can I help you with something?" She was bent over her bag, trying to stuff an enormous book into it.  
  
"Just thought I'd run something by you."  
  
"Oh, really. And what would that be?"  
  
"Well, I've been thinking. I'm having this test in three weeks. Now that I've finally begun to get a handle on this whole sex change business, I'm thinking we should work on the other one charm I'm having trouble with."  
  
She waited for me to clarify. "And.?"  
  
I smirked. "Say it with me, Hermione: CONTRACEPTIVE CHARM. We can work on the contraceptive charm together! Won't that be fun?"  
  
I had practically screamed this, and I could really only imagine how wrong it sounded to everyone else in the Great Hall, most particularly Potter and Weasley. Hence my reason for doing it.  
  
Everyone simultaneously turned to stare at us. Hermione ignored them. "While I know that you only did that to attract attention and just.you know, be a pervert, you're actually right. It's a difficult charm. I think we should work on it."  
  
That was a priceless reply. I could sense the vibes from every other occupant of the Great Hall. I could actually *hear* everyone cringing from the burning mental images they must have been getting.  
  
"Awesome! We're going to have so much fun! Contraceptive charms are the coolest, aren't they, Hermione? Tee hee!" I just felt like being a spaz.  
  
Hermione stared at me. "Sure. Why not?"  
  
"Honestly, Hermione. You're so giving and thoughtful, what with all the help you've been giving me in Charms. It's just so nice of you! I owe you soo much!" And that.I just felt like annoying her.  
  
"You should really try a sedative, you know."  
  
"I know."  
  
By now, the Great Hall had emptied out and it was time to go to class. We had Potions. As we walked down the corridor, she continued. "You're right, though. You do owe me."  
  
That's not cool. I had mellowed out and was no longer spazzy.just annoyed. "Uh huh.so what do you want? Sexual favors, maybe? After all, as long as you help me master the contraceptive charm, I'm not seeing a problem there."  
  
She rolled her eyes. "For starters, you could be less annoying."  
  
"Never gonna happen. Sorry. But you know what I'll do if I pass my test?"  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"I will.um, go to Healing school?" I couldn't think of anything that she definitely would refuse at the moment.  
  
Hermione blinked. "I would have thought that went without saying."  
  
"If I pass, I'll snog you, then. I swear I will." Okay, not really. But I could always lie.  
  
She stared at me. "What makes you think I'd want you to snog me?"  
  
"Oh come on, Hermione. I am SUCH a babe. I know you want me."  
  
"Sure I do."  
  
"You do. Don't even deny it." And it was true.  
  
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A/N: Well that was an odd chapter.I know, Draco's acting totally randomly and can be OOC at times, but I still think he stays true to his character in this story, so if you don't, feel free to tell me. But don't yell at me because he's being spastic.that's just the way some people are! DON'T JUDGE ME! Okay, sorry. I hope you guys think that this chapter wasn't too corrupted.and thanks again for the reviews!  
  
Muchas gracias (hehe, el espanolo!): RivanKnight, Ehlonna, and DanishGirl. LOVE YOU GUYS!  
  
RikuNghts: I hope you think what Draco did wasn't too stupid/messed up. It's just something I would have done.except I would have taken a cat with three legs and one eye, just so I could make fun of it.lol, I know I'm horrible. And I know, Draco's HOT in the PoA trailer.OW! Sexy kind of! Sorry.  
  
burgundyred: I always try to respond to reviews if there are questions/comments that need answers. Even if there aren't, I feel I should thank people personally. But anyway.when I wrote that one passage I was very tired and my mind was working slowly, so now I see where you got confused. Uh.I guess it means 'yeah, right' that he doesn't regret it and he IS addicted, but I definitely see what you're saying. Thanks for pointing that out. Find anything else, let me know!  
  
relena333: Yeah, I've been meaning to read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, I've heard it's really good. As soon as I get around to finishing the LoTR books.I'm so lazy. I'm too lazy to even READ. And weird moods are perfectly acceptable, as I'm often in one!  
  
Redundant Goddess: Possible best fic you've ever read? *faints* *wakes up* Wow, thank you! Never expected that. Sarcasm es moi (Spanish and French and English all in the same sentence.ooh I'm going to die with the linguisticness of my typing hehehe), and I am just.you know, a pervert. I can't help it. So it's really quite easy to think of perverted things for Draco, as their mostly things I've said myself. But seriously, thank you. And.um, PIES to you too!  
  
Gingitsune Girl: Hehehe, thanks! There probably are (or will be, don't worry O.o) points in this story where Draco seems love struck, insane, perverted, and slightly gay. Not that he IS gay.I just like to make fun of him. Lol. Thanks so much, you made me day. And btw, don't worry, I'll R/R your story the next spare minute I have. I haven't had any time to yet, but I will.  
  
kiwi: Don't worry, I always review stories and forget to review, and I ALWAYS mean to, I just forget. Oops. Anyway, he's just not a mushy guy in my story, he just might be a wee bit sensitive VERY deep down (even though he'll never admit it), and he is not going to be in love with Hermione all of a sudden. I do warn all of you, however, that he will be.eventually. *smirk* How I love to bait you peopl. J/k. And.well, I didn't have them kiss yet, as they don't even like each other, but.he THREATENED to kiss her, so that's close enough.  
  
In Dreams: Well, you can marry Zaitzev, since no one else will have him. Aww just kiddin, I love my Zaitzev. But you can still marry him, lol. I'm glad you're not sick of the sugar quill thing, because I WILL NEVER BE. Lol. Agreed, Cap'n Jack is THE MAN, and he's not gay. You can leave a review every day if I'm too lazy to update. I won't mind. Lol, reviews=gooooood. Enjoy your sugar quill, then!  
  
Meggles: *rolls eyes* Sure. Don't have anything to say to you, except I'll see you later. BUT TELL EVERYONE HOW PERVERTED I AM! HEHEHE! YAY!  
  
Okay. PLEASE R/R EVERYONE! I'LL LOVE YOU ALWAYS!  
  
All the love,  
  
Xar 


	9. Give me one good reason

Disclaimer: I'm sick of these  
  
A/N: Uh oh.sorry I took like a year to update the stupid story! I'm just soooo lazy. But I figured I absolutely HAD to update before this Saturday because that's when MY big bad test is. So I don't know, it's just one of those things. The actual test should be in the next chapter, I just feel like dragging it out, bwahaha. Man, this story is really pointless, isn't it? Oh well, you guys seem to like it. Um.well, I have 72 REVIEWS, WOOT WOOT! I LOVE YOU GUYS! Ok, onward then.  
  
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Dear Hermione was right, as she often was.  
  
The contraceptive charm was HARD AS HELL.  
  
I had a week left until the damn test to master it, and I was not making much progress. But if I failed that portion of the test, I would have no one to blame but my mother.  
  
I will explain this eventually.  
  
As the rest of the morons and I sat in Potions class on early Friday morning (TOO early, I hadn't even had time for coffee and I was a wreck.really, I was), waiting for Snape to show up, I turned to Hermione, something finally occurring to me. "I have a question."  
  
"And what's that?" She didn't look up from Hogwarts, A History.  
  
I sighed melodramatically. "How am I supposed to KNOW if I'm doing the contraceptive charm right if I have no way of testing it?"  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes. "What are you suggesting?"  
  
I leaned over the desk toward her, raising my eyebrows suggestively. "I think you know EXACTLY what I'm suggesting, Hermione." I was sexy and she wanted me. I could see it in her eyes.  
  
Not, of course, that she ever hadn't wanted me. Just especially at that point.  
  
Hermione closed her book and looked up to glare at me. "Get over yourself, you egotistical pervert."  
  
"You know you want my body."  
  
"I am so sick of you it's actually kind of amusing."  
  
I nodded. "Yes, I often seem to have that effect on people. I honestly can't imagine why."  
  
"You know, I actually am sure you can't."  
  
"But seriously, then," I continued. "What AM I supposed to practice on? And I would like to add that I am not necessarily meaning with myself."  
  
"I don't know. You'll figure something out, I'm sure. But don't even come near my cat."  
  
I sighed. "Come ON, Hermione, you didn't even give it a chance! Look how happy our friend Mr. Norris is now that he's a man! I really did a good thing with that sex charm!"  
  
Now it was Hermione's turn to sigh. "He's not happy. Thanks to you, he's not allowed out of Filch's office because he suddenly made sexual moves on Snape's leg. Filch is a nervous wreck. And if Snape ever finds out it was your fault, he WILL kill you. He wasn't happy, to say the least."  
  
I smirked. It was true; not only did I turn Mrs. Norris into a male cat, I turned her into a horny and gay male cat. It was probably my finest work. Way better than anything the Weasleys had ever done. It was made even better due to the fact that everyone was too stupid to notice what I had done to Mrs. Norris. "That was amusing, you have to admit. Besides, I made the school a better place. Students are no longer afraid to walk these halls. They're much happier people since Mr. Norris was done away with! I actually, for the first time I can remember, did a good thing. You should be very proud of me."  
  
"All I'm saying is that I'm glad you FINALLY were able to do the sex change charm. I was getting even more sick of it than I am of you, and that's saying something."  
  
"Oh, you love me."  
  
"Oh, you wish."  
  
Snape finally took the opportunity to stroll in, scowling at us all. It was really true; he had become even more malicious than usual after the Mr. Norris thing. I probably would have, too. But it was really cool; he had been yelling at Hannah Abbott for about a week straight.  
  
He sat down at his desk, glaring. "Get with your partners and finish your Love Potions from yesterday. Hurry up, I don't have time for this, and you know what?" We stared, as was the custom. Snape narrowed his eyes evilly. "I DESPISE all love potions!"  
  
I doubted there was really anyone in the class that actually disagreed with him. Finch-Fletchley looked rather disgusted as he went up to the front of the class to get our potion.  
  
I am compelled to mention that really, Finch-Fletchley wasn't all that bad. Or rather, he was someone to rant to (not that he didn't rant to me, I must give him his credit) in the ninety minute blocks we were constantly forced to spend in the dungeon.  
  
But anyway, this isn't about Finch-Fletchley. This is all about ME.  
  
As I waited for Finch-Fletchley to join me (there was no way I was dragging MY cauldron all the way across the room, he could do it just as well), my mind wandered. I really didn't know what was up with everything this year.  
  
Because of course, as everyone knows, all love potions are are really only aphrodisiacs. I suppose it is true that all these dirty things we were learning about would really help us more than anything else we might have learned for later life. But really, you could only take so much.  
  
An hour later, Finch-Fletchley and I were almost finished on our potion, and were just waiting until we could add the final ingredient. We were watching Snape screaming at Abbott with the utmost interest.  
  
Abbott looked close to tears. Hermione (darling girl that she is) was just continuing on with the potion, ignoring everything. Goldstein was trying to hit MacMillan in the head with his cauldron (how, I'm not quite sure, but that's the way it is). And Finch-Fletchley and I just laughed.  
  
It took my man Sev another fifteen minutes to wear out his screaming fit. When he was done, he sighed in content and walked over to my side of the dungeon. Abbott buried her face in her arms, probably crying. I just laughed more.  
  
Snape, now perfectly calm (yet still perfectly malicious), glanced at Finch- Fletchley and me. "You two. Stay after class."  
  
He said nothing more. I first assumed that he had found out about Mr. Norris and was going to condemn me to hell for it. I then reminded myself, however, that Finch-Fletchley had nothing to do with that. Or at least that I knew of.  
  
So yet another fifteen minutes later, when the bell sounded, and my dear classmates shuffled off to their next classes (or wherever it REALLY was they were going.I didn't trust any of them for a minute), Finch-Fletchley and I stayed behind.  
  
Snape sighed, obviously annoyed and quite sick of us all. "The Headmaster has informed me that I have neglected to give you the proper details. Since there are only two of you this year, which is actually less than normal, I have to chaperone you while you take your exam. You will be in my dungeon next Saturday morning, eight o'clock sharp."  
  
Finch-Fletchley nodded, looking bored. I raised an eyebrow. "You're trying to get into Healing school too?"  
  
He nodded again. It was really only logical, I reminded myself; why else would a Hufflepuff be in Snape's class by free will?  
  
Snape rolled his eyes. "I will only say this once; you're late, I won't let you in. I have to sit in a dungeon, with YOU TWO of all people, for three hours on a Saturday morning, when I have so many better things to do, and if you take up even more of my time, you will burn in hell," he hissed lethally.  
  
I nodded, quite used to this, as did Finch-Fletchley.  
  
Snape returned to his desk and took out some papers. "Now be off with you, you're wasting my time, as I have just warned you about." And so, we left.  
  
As soon as we got out of the room, Finch-Fletchley turned to me. "Why else would I be with Snape, of all the people, by my own choice?"  
  
Of course I was right. I was always right. "That's precisely what I was just thinking."  
  
When we got out of the dungeons, Finch-Fletchley and I split up, I off to absorb the knowledge of my great teacher, Professor Zaitzev.  
  
Ah, if only.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Sometime after lunch, I had an hour to kill before Herbology, so I headed to the library.  
  
Not surprisingly, Hermione was there. I made my way over to her, bent on telling her something. "Hey Hermione."  
  
"What is it now?"  
  
"I just wanted you to know that even if you continue to break my spirit and I never master the contraceptive charm, I won't blame you for it."  
  
"Oh really. I'm touched." She didn't sound it, however. I wondered why. She should have.  
  
"Instead, I simply plan on blaming my mother."  
  
"Can't you just blame yourself for not working hard enough?"  
  
"No, because it's really my mum's fault."  
  
"And why is that?"  
  
I suddenly realized that I had inadvertently trapped myself, and now would be forced to recap my actually true story to her. "Do you really want to know?"  
  
"Probably not, but now you have to tell me anyway." She finally looked up at me.  
  
I sighed, recognizing my own stupidity in saying anything in the first place. "So normal parents in the wizarding world would TEACH their kids the contraceptive charm, or something like that, when they're old enough, right?"  
  
She shrugged. "I wouldn't know, but if you say so."  
  
I shook my head. "Well, not my mum. Nope, had to do it the HARD way, MY mum. So at the beginning of the summer after fifth year, she starts asking me every other day if I have a girlfriend, because she's afraid I'm going to get her pregnant. Not that there WAS anyone to get pregnant, which I kept telling her, but she didn't believe me. So I'm like, just TEACH me the damn charm so you can leave me alone, but she's all 'Nooooo, it's too flimsy!' She's insane, I tell you."  
  
Hermione was staring at me, not yet impressed with my story. She would be, though. It was a good one, if not embarrassing as hell. I hadn't yet told anyone, but I didn't really care too much that I was telling her, when I thought about it. "I'm sure she is."  
  
I nodded. "So anyway, she's convinced that since I'm not allowed to use magic during the summer anyway, that I should get some condoms." My mother is completely insane. Hence my reason for running off to Tonks' house to escape the madness. Hermione still stared. "So she takes me to this muggle store and she's walking around, going on about it at an overly decent volume. But then she decides she needs to know if they'll be the right size," sick woman she is, "so she goes up to the register and asks for a tape measurer, then she makes me-"  
  
Hermione, quite rightfully, cut me off. "I really don't think I want to hear the rest of this."  
  
"Wise choice. Very wise choice."  
  
We were silent for a moment. Hermione eventually spoke. "So what was the point of that again?"  
  
I shrugged. "I don't really remember. Just talking, I guess."  
  
"Okay then. Now study."  
  
I sighed. Just one more week.  
  
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A/N: Aw man.that lovely little tale at the end was inspired half by a real- life experience (not exactly the same, don't worry, but awfully close) and half by something else that I just can't remember at the moment. But I kind of wanted to emphasize the insanity Draco has to live with. You can't really blame him for turning out the way he has. And btw, I plan on putting more about Draco's psycho family later. Get used to it.okay, on with life. I have something I would like to make known. About Draco possibly being OOC in this story.well, I see what you people are talking about, but I want you to think about it. Most of us have seriously been reading so much fanfiction that we often think of the typical fanon character of someone as their actual CANON character. But really, if you go look at the books, you can kind of see where I get off making Draco the way I have. At least, I hope, lol. I mean, in the actual books, Draco is portrayed as the kind of guy that makes sarcastic comments, makes fun of people, likes being the center of attention, can be pretty nasty at times.pretty much how I've portrayed him! At least that's how I see it. So feel free to respond to that, but I hope you guys can see what I'm talking about. Okay, that was long. On with my wonderful, beautiful reviewers.  
  
I thank: RivanKnight®, Ehlonna, Darkening Sky, relena333, Callisto, and DanishGirl.  
  
In Dreams: Yeppers, you can have the Zevster. No one else likes him enough.hehe I'm just kidding, I do love my Zevvie Zev. Ah water, nature's champagne. It really is. Yes, Draco is certainly a babe (just ask him, he'll tell you), so Hermione so obviously wants him. Even though she won't admit it. Um, have fun planning the wedding? Bwaha.  
  
kiwi36: Throwing cats.I certainly have a thing with that. *sighs dreamily* Ah, Leo, I make you---eh, never mind, I'll stop. Don't worry, D & H will most certainly like each other.eventually. Actually, I think my man D already does like her, he just hasn't figured it out yet. God, I'm the author and I don't even know, lol.  
  
RikuNghts: Hehe, I bet you really ARE sick deep inside your mind, you just don't know it. Aw, j/k. Actually, I'm kind of not. Oh well. Man, you are sooo cool because you like my writing.seriously it rocks my world to hear that. Tell my damn teacher, grr. I present thee with this chapter in hopes that it is adequate.  
  
eth: Hahaha, one time I was reading a wicked funny story (it was one of those stories that is supposed to be serious but is really so stupid it's hilarious, as opposed to my story, which probably couldn't be serious if I tried to make it so) and I was eating a popsicle and I got to this one particulary stupid part and I choked on it and I thought I was going to die because I was laughing so hard. Okay.  
  
super sycoh: Da, Draco is very blah. Good word. *smirk* I know, I just always say espanolo because I think it sounds cooler. And now you know what happened to Mr. Norris.  
  
Redundant Goddess: *rolls eyes* As if, I don't even like Spanish. I'm being forced to take it against my will. Oh well. Haha, German.my daddy taught me a word in German! I'm not really NOT supposed to say it, but I won't anyway.mainly because I can't spell it. Oh well. And more pies!  
  
NitenGale: My friend worships you for your review. But anyway, I'll get to it, you guys can all wait.  
  
sweet-soph: Woot, someone thinks I did a good job with Draco's character! You rock.  
  
burgundyred: It's not that I didn't want you to comment on it, I just felt some explanation was in order. If you still think he's OOC, that's perfectly cool, but you should read the above author's note. Anyway, glad you love it, here's another chapter for yeh!  
  
Slytherin Star Gazer: I have very random sarcastic humor, so that kind of shows in my writing, I suppose. Lol. And yes, I am very perverted. I can't help it. Glad it's funny, though.  
  
And.Meggles: Mazeltov! Man, I'm gonna find a way to make someone say that in this story, I just love it so much. Later.  
  
That A/N was like twice as long as the chapter. I'm sorry about that. Once again, I'm really sorry about the wait, I'll try to be faster next time. And PLEASE review, thanks! 


	10. Rain on my new beginning

Disclaimer: While I have indeed neglected to mention that life half the stuff that happens in this story are taken from or inspired by real life, you guys KNOW THE CHARACTER AREN'T MINE.  
  
A/N: I have 86 revieeeeeeews.yeah! I love you guys soooooooo much. Seriously, you all rock hard. But anyway. Wow, I'm at the tenth chapter and D & H haven't gotten together yet.did you expect anything else? You shouldn't have, because this is hardly the usual in D/Hr, so it's going my way baby, haha. I would also like to point out that (whether I'll incorporate it or not, I haven't decided) while according to the books this should be happening in 1996, guess what I don't care, it's going to be now, so get over it. Now that that's over, I'm going to enjoy my coffee, watch Aladdin (*cackle*), and get on with this chapter.  
  
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So the test was the next day, and I was quite surprisingly placid. Hermione and I were sitting in the abandoned library on Friday night (no wonder it was abandoned, no one else in their right mind would be sitting in the library on a Friday night, they were all out enjoying other.evening activities), and Hermione was reading aloud yet another pointless Charms passage.  
  
I, however, sat staring at the entrance of the library, thinking. There was a sprig (I don't know if mistletoe actually comes in sprigs, but it doesn't REALLY matter) of mistletoe hanging in the doorframe.  
  
Mistletoe made no sense. I mean, the berries were frikkin poisonous. So why should mistletoe enforce snogging? Snogging is kind of supposed to be, I don't know, romantic or something. I had to wonder if poison was considered romantic. Not that I should really know too much about the whole romance thing, but it only made sense.  
  
I suddenly heard Hermione sigh. "Are you paying ANY attention?"  
  
I nodded, turning to her. "Yes, I was simply thinking about.Charms, of course."  
  
She narrowed her eyes. "What specifically?"  
  
I thought. "Uh.fulcrums?"  
  
Hermione blinked. "I have no idea what you're talking about; fulcrums have absolutely NOTHING to do with Charms."  
  
I had to shrug. "I don't even know what a fulcrum is. I just think it's kind of dirty-sounding."  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes. "I don't know why I do this for you. It's not like I owe you anything, you never pay attention, and you always interrupt for the stupidest reasons."  
  
"I didn't interrupt. You stopped."  
  
Hermione glared. "That's not the point."  
  
"Well, to answer your question, it's because you love me."  
  
"I don't know why you keep saying that, you really are kidding yourself."  
  
"It's because EVERYONE loves me. It's just a thing."  
  
"I don't exactly agree, but we're not getting into it," Hermione said, closing the book. "We've done enough, you'll be fine."  
  
I got up and started to follow her. "Are you sure? Remember that experiment with the contraceptive charm I was telling you about the other day? Well, I- "  
  
"Shut up, Draco."  
  
"Okay."  
  
I suddenly froze right in front of the doorway. "Did you ever think how bizarre mistletoe is?"  
  
Hermione turned to me. "You mean about how it's poisonous but it still encourages romance?" God, that girl was good.  
  
"Precisely."  
  
She shrugged. "Yeah, I guess you're right."  
  
"Aren't I always?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Okay."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The next morning, I had planned to wake up on time, but I characteristically failed in my mission. As I was lying in my bed, almost asleep but not quite, I felt someone shaking my shoulder. I cracked an eye open. Blaise was staring at me. "What?"  
  
"Snape has sent me."  
  
".Yeah, and?"  
  
"He said to tell you, and these are basically his words, not mine, that if you didn't get down to his dungeon within two minutes, he is going to personally write to every known Healing school in existence and make sure they don't accept your lazy ass." I stared. Blaise nodded. "You'd better get going."  
  
I rolled out of bed, rubbing my eyes. Suddenly, they snapped open as I realized the implications of what Blaise had said. I practically tore off my pajamas and pulled on some random clothes.  
  
I quite literally fell down the stairs and threw myself out of the common room. As I ran down a corridor, I tripped over someone sitting against the wall.  
  
I stood up and looked back down. Zaitzev peered up at me. "Why are you running down the corridor?"  
  
I shrugged. "Don't know. Why are you sitting in the corridor?"  
  
Zaitzev shrugged, taking out a sugar quill (excuse me as I shudder violently). "Don't know."  
  
"Okay. Bye."  
  
That unneeded interruption aside, I went off down the corridor. I arrived in Snape's dungeon probably about four seconds before I would have been late. Snape glared at me. "I told you not to be late."  
  
I looked up at the clock on the wall. "Not late. Well, if I was getting here NOW I would be late, but I was technically NOT late. So you can't say I am." I don't really know if that made sense, but if not, it was Snape's problem.  
  
Snape scowled. "I don't want to hear it. Sit down, you're wasting my time."  
  
I smirked and sat down at a desk. Finch-Fletchley, on the other side of the classroom, nodded at me. "Mazeltov."  
  
I nodded back. "Uh, sure. Same to you."  
  
Snape scowled at us again. "I don't need this; I'm not getting payed enough for this. But anyway, since this is a written test, you'd better be knowing theory. It's really not my problem if you don't. You have three hours. Go for it, and don't bother me."  
  
He handed us each a test, and sat back down at his desk, glaring.  
  
I looked down at the demon paper in front of me.  
  
If I failed, the blame was going directly on my mother.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I must have neglected to bring up that I had received a letter from my dear mother a few days before. She seemed to have finally realized that she hadn't seen me since early July, and she asked the only four plausible questions that I could expect from her: where I had been, how school was going, if I had taken my test yet, and whether or not I had found myself a girlfriend yet.  
  
After all, it was MY mum. But now that that's out of the way, I'll continue.  
  
The test honestly wasn't all that bad, though I still believed I had completely sucked at the Charms section. But since it was behind me, I didn't really mind any more, as there was nothing I could do about it.  
  
When the three hours were up (surprisingly, I had actually finished everything on the test), Snape snatched away the tests and put them in his desk. He glared at us. "Why are you still here? I have better things to do."  
  
I blinked up at him, in the mood to annoy him "Like what?"  
  
Snape frowned. "That's none of your business. Now get out of my classroom, both of you, and join the rest of your kind in Hogsmeade where you belong."  
  
I shrugged. "Okay."  
  
Finch-Fletchley and I departed, and as soon as we were out the door, he turned to me. "What did you think?"  
  
"Easy. Except for the Charms." CHARMS STILL SUCK.  
  
Except the sex change charm, haha. Mr. Norris was once again on probation for turning to Zaitzev once he was let out of Filch's office. Zaitzev ran from the Great Hall screaming about God knows what in Russian.  
  
It was awesome.  
  
Finch-Fletchley nodded. "Yeah, it wasn't too bad."  
  
I suddenly had a reoccurring thought. "Did it ever occur to you how strange mistletoe is?"  
  
He stared. "How so?"  
  
"I mean, the berries on it are poisonous, right? So how come it's supposed to be all romantic?"  
  
Finch-Fletchley blinked. "Never really thought about it."  
  
I nodded. "But really, if you think about it, it's true."  
  
He nodded back.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I never ended up going to Hogsmeade that day, instead going back to my dorm for some peace and quiet away from the endless distractions I had; namely, Pansy.  
  
However, for some reason we were also allowed to go to Hogsmeade the next day. This was probably because it was right before Christmas break started, and, assuming we were all too stupid to be able to accomplish ALL our holiday shopping in just one day, the staff gave us an extra day, pitying us. And they did have a right to.  
  
But anyway, I went on Sunday. It turned out that most of the younger students that were allowed to go had gone on Saturday, and the sixth and seventh years that had decided to go were there then.  
  
Which could only mean one thing. I mean, hormonally raging teenagers running around Hogsmeade, unsupervised. Think about it. Just THINK about it.  
  
Bad things.  
  
But when I finally decided to get all the presents I would be needing to give people, I realized that there was really no one I needed to be getting presents FOR. Hey, go figure.  
  
See, I'm always trying to convince people that the holidays are about misery, obligation, and lies. And the fact that I couldn't even think of anyone only proved my theory. Not that I had ever doubted its truth, but others certainly had.  
  
As there was nothing else for it, I spent a good part of the afternoon playing poker with Blaise and ended up owing him 62 sugar quills (I don't exactly want to know).  
  
By late afternoon, all of the sixth and seventh years were in the Three Broomsticks, gambling, doing other immoral things, or getting drunk. You know, whatever it was that they considered part of their schedule.  
  
Finch-Fletchley was by then teaching me a dirty muggle card game known as 'spoons'. Dirty game, that was.at least, it became so when Weasley and Blaise joined in. Don't ask.  
  
Just as Zaitzev (half the professors were in there, too) passed out in the corner after downing a few too many shots, Hermione made her way over to me, sitting down at our table. "I haven't talked to you since before yesterday. How did it go?"  
  
So much for greetings. "What?"  
  
Hermione blinked. "The test, stupid. How was it?"  
  
"Oh. Um, it wasn't too bad." I grinned hugely at her. "Of course, I will have only passed the Charms section because of YOU."  
  
She nodded. "That's right."  
  
I turned back to the card game, which was worsening. "SWEET GOD, WEASLEY, THAT'S JUST WRONG!"  
  
I would never be able to use a spoon in the Three Broomsticks again.  
  
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A/N: I'm sorry that was kind of a retarded chapter; I'm just too stupid to come up with anything better. Um, whether you know the game spoons or not, I doubt you will understand the true dirtiness of the game, so just ignore that.or something. Wow, I really think this chapter was bad. Now I feel really bad about that. Someone tell me what they really think, whether it's good or not. I'm going to try my best to get out another chapter before Christmas because I can. Oh yeah, happy first night of Hannukah!  
  
Thanks to: Ehlonna, Draco'sSLAVE, Darkening Sky, Some12, and DanishGirl  
  
meggles: Here, you're at the top.  
  
RikuNghts: *sighs* I know, poor ol' D. Hey, sometimes it happens. Lol. Sorry that chapter took so long again, and sorry this chapter isn't that good. I'll try to make the next one better.  
  
kiwi36: Haha, Draco's family might even be as messed up as MINE! On second thought, not really, isn't gonna happen. Btw, I'm glad you caught that about the story, very good thing. Oh, and the tale at the end thing was referring to the condom story, lol.  
  
Slytherin Star Gazer: I know, he IS always the same, so I decided to do something different. But hey, I guess it kind of worked.  
  
RivianKnight: I know it's kind of a twisted friendship, but it's better than them being enemies! I kind of like the way it's turning out between them, but I don't really know exactly what I'm going to do with them when we get further on, so I still have to figure that out.  
  
ghypscee: Oh yeah right, my english teacher hates me, haha.  
  
Redundant Goddess: Well naturally I had to make Mr. Norris gay. Hmm, sounds like a fun job for you! Lol. PIES!  
  
crazyone17: No, not exactly.  
  
In Dreams: I agree, they should! Now you're not the only one with sugar quills, I had to put several more mentions of them in this chapter for some fun. Well I put Zaitzev in this chapter for YOU, so um.I don't know, go plan your wedding or something. He's going to be in the next chapter too. Sorry I didn't actually HAVE Zaitzev in that one part, but I was kind of in a hurry to just finish that up and get it out. So if you want more Zaitzev, I don't know, wait until next chapter, lol.  
  
PLEASE REVIEW! Later! 


	11. We're gonna let it slide

Disclaimer: *hysterical laughter* Haha, I got EXACTLY what I wanted in some of the reviews I got. But this is the disclaimer, lol, so.it's not mine.  
  
A/N: *smirks hugely* Wow, you guys make me smile. Really, you do. Like half of you pointed out something VERY important. Now I am compelled to say that you should all really have learned two things about me: expect the unexpected, and I usually don't do things without a reason. If you don't know what I'm talking about, just ignore and read the chapter, maybe you'll figure it out, lol. I'm not sure I want to know what you guys will think of this chapter, so you'll probably either hate or love me for it. But that's not important really, this is a Chrismukkah (don't EVEN ask) present to all of you for being so awesome! Btw, I'm sorry last chapter wasn't all that funny, and I don't know if this'll be yet, but it'll be nice and long, I hope. Haha, I'm trying to go the whole chapter without doing anything perverted. Not likely to happen, but there's a chance.  
  
Well, here goes.  
  
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By the time I had almost COMPLETELY wasted the entire day, it was almost too late to undo that, but not quite.  
  
Madame Rosmerta had taken back the spoons (she had put on gloves first, never fear) and all but kicked us out when I finally decided to make use of my time. I checked my watch; I had an hour before we were supposed to be back at school.  
  
For every year before that, I had always gotten the first cheap piece of junk I could find for anyone I was obliged to buy a Christmas present for. And as previously said, I didn't really have anyone to get a present for that year. But since I had time and a bit of money, I decided to anyway. There was nothing to lose, really.  
  
Wandering around Hogsmeade, I found the perfect present for my dear Tonksie.  
  
An industrial-sized box of nothing but sugar quills, for use with her new boyfriend that she had told me about in a letter. Haha. (A/N: There went my resolution, I didn't even make it past the first page)  
  
While I was trying to think of something for my mother, it occurred to me that I should simply send her an empty box of condoms. The very thought of knowing that I was, in fact, using them (honestly, she's so WEIRD) would probably be enough of a gift to her.  
  
Sometimes I am shocked at my own brilliance.  
  
So instead I just got her a candle. Somehow she'd survive.  
  
I couldn't really think of anyone else, so to pass the time I strolled into a bookstore. I was debating whether or not it would be a good decision to go into the mature section, when something over in the muggle section caught my eye. And then it hit me.  
  
Hermione.  
  
Well, it was only natural that I should be thinking of her. I was in a bookstore. Who else could that possibly remind me of? Really, that was the only reason.  
  
At least, that's what I tried to tell myself. I'm awfully pathetic, I know.  
  
But anyway, I couldn't help thinking about her. Even though I had almost convinced myself that I really didn't owe her anything, I knew that was a lie. I kind of did. So when I saw something hidden away in a display in the corner of the muggle section, a certain memory came to mind.  
  
It was perfect. More perfect than perfect. Absolute perfection. Nothing could have been better. There was no question in my mind that I simply HAD to get it for her.  
  
Of course, there was always the thought of how mad she'd get at me. But I didn't care. It was so worth it. (A/N: I'm sorry, you guys are sooooo gonna hate me for it when you find out, but I'm not turning back now, hehehe.but you don't think I'm going to tell you and ruin the surprise, do you?)  
  
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I was up half the night trying to conquer the completely impossible are of wrapping. I almost killed myself with the wrapping paper (don't EVEN ask), and I ended up using six rolls of tape. Needless to say, it was a very long night.  
  
So the next morning, I wasn't very happy when I was being shaken awake. "What?" I mumbled into the pillow, unable to move.  
  
"You have to get up." I was too tired to identify the speaker.  
  
"Break, no school," was all I could manage.  
  
"Today's the last day, idiot."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
I suspect that it actually COULD have gone on forever if I had not had the sense to stop, knowing that I would never at that point been able to go back to sleep anyway. I rolled out of bed. "Fine. Go away." I looked up. It was Blaise, that love-struck and hence mindless fool, eternal waker of me.  
  
I don't know if that made sense.  
  
Blaise shrugged and walked away.  
  
Ten minutes later (probably the fastest I had ever gotten ready in my LIFE, not counting that Saturday morning, of course), I was sitting in the back of Zaitzev's class, trying not to fall asleep. I needn't have bothered, however.  
  
When Zaitzev finally stumbled in, it was five minutes after class was supposed to start, and so five minutes that I could have spent sleeping. Zaitzev collapsed at his desk and put his head in his hands. "Why, I must ask, is there school today?"  
  
There was a collective shrug throughout the classroom. I had to take the opportunity to speak up. "Are you drunk?"  
  
He glared at me. "Excuse me, I am hung over, and so no longer drunk. There IS a difference."  
  
"I'm sure. So what do you expect us to do?"  
  
He put his head back in his hands. "I don't really care. I'm not teaching. You guys can do whatever you want, just don't be loud. Or I will make your lives hell."  
  
About half the class once again shrugged, but then turned to each other, talking. The rest of us just sat there, some unsure of what to do, I just drifting off to sleep. Zaitzev sighed. "Are you guys really all that helpless? Really, you need to learn to think for yourselves." And I had NO idea what he was talking about. It was probably the hangover talking. "Like, Malfoy, what would you do if there was no school today?"  
  
I thought for a minute, then shrugged. "Don't know. Burn something. Make someone miserable. Ruin a relationship. Whatever I can think of that might amuse me."  
  
He rolled his eyes. "Fine. You can all do that. Just shut up."  
  
That man really shouldn't have been teaching us. But it was quite a good thing he was.  
  
So, out of sheer boredom, I turned to Hermione. "Hey, Hermione. How's it going?"  
  
She, of course, was reading. "Is there something you want?"  
  
"No, not really. Nothing that you'd actually consent to give me, at least." I smirked. "Why do you ask?"  
  
"Well, I can't really think of any reason you'd be talking to me, considering you already took your test." I sighed. Hermione still really thought I disliked her. And I didn't, really. I couldn't.  
  
Oh well. She could think that. Not my problem.  
  
"So what, Hermione, you don't want to talk to me? Well, you've upset me greatly. Broken my heart, even. What would you say if I was to throw myself off the Astronomy tower out of despair because of that?"  
  
She still didn't look up. "Watch out for the rosebushes."  
  
I had to inwardly grin. Even though I knew she didn't really try to be, she could be quite funny at times.  
  
Suddenly, however, I stopped to actually pay attention to what I was thinking. What was with the sudden warming up to Hermione, of all people? It was so bizarre.  
  
(A/N: If you STILL haven't figured it out, it's probably too late for you, mwa ha)  
  
It wasn't like I liked her or anything. But whatever. "Does Hogwarts even HAVE rosebushes?"  
  
"Most likely. If not, there must be equally potentially lethal plants on the grounds."  
  
"Are rosebushes lethal?"  
  
"Well, they probably can be." Plants seriously confused me. Most especially mistletoe.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Somehow I lasted through the day, and my final class was Potions. Fortunately it wasn't a double period, so I didn't have to suffer for too much longer.  
  
When Snape swooped in, he growled that we weren't going to start anything new and that instead we had to write an essay on the properties of Love potions, in excruciating detail. If he actually planned on reading them, I didn't know, and didn't exactly feel the need to.  
  
Not feeling like working, I simply carefully reworded a paragraph from my textbook on Love potions and spent the rest of the period waiting for it to be over. However, about five minutes before that happy, moment, Snape stood up and sneered at us all.  
  
He sighed happily. "You know, this has always been my favorite part of all my O.W.L. level classes. You see, since this is the end of the term, I will follow my tradition of giving you reports on your progress. Oh," he added, looking almost directly at Abbott, "and I will request that all suicide attempts be held until at least the end of this period."  
  
I smirked when I got mine. Of course, I had an 'O'. I turned to look at Abbott. She seemed ready to cry (I personally couldn't wait until it started), and was probably going to completely disregard Snape's final comment.  
  
While rather tragic, it was still really not my problem.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I barely noticed that half the school went home the next day, so it came as something of a surprise to me when I suddenly found it was Christmas Eve.  
  
I hadn't even remembered to send my grand total of three (one more than the last year, at least) Christmas presents, so I *borrowed* a school owl and sent off the sugar quills to my darling cousin.  
  
And those were probably the first present I had ever given that could actually be of some use.  
  
A few days before, I had written a letter back to my mum, answering her questions. I had been at Tonks' house, school was fine, I had just taken my test, and no, give me a few weeks. Hehe. Plus, I told her to send me one of those TV things.  
  
So I should be getting one for Christmas. And she would be getting a candle. Haha, not bad.  
  
I grabbed the next owl I saw, strapped my mother's candle to its leg, and threw it out the window. Sadly, it began to plummet to the ground as soon as I let go of it. I leaned out the window to watch its progress with interest, but it got back into flight before it could hit the ground. I sighed in disappointment and left the Owlery.  
  
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The next morning, I woke up at 7 A.M. God knows what cause me to arise so early on a vacation day, much less a holiday, so I wasn't too happy. To console myself, I turned to my sad, sorry, lonely pile of presents.  
  
I had two. Yet I had SENT three. There was something seriously wrong with that.  
  
I ripped the first one open. Of course, it was a TV thing, as I had previously instructed. There was also yet another letter with it. She hadn't even pretended to like the candle in said letter, so I figured she'd written in several days before. It pretty much said that she'd paid some guy to fix it so I could actually use it in Hogwarts.  
  
That, and it asked me if I had a girlfriend.  
  
Sometimes I find myself wondering what my mother will obsess about when I actually HAVE a girlfriend.  
  
The other one was from Tonks. I read the note first. 'Your mother told me what she was getting you, so I figured you might want this.' I stared. I wasn't sure I wanted to know.  
  
So I just ripped it open. And it was the best present EVER.  
  
There, in front of me, in DVD (now THAT'S true magic, those DVDs) format, was the only movie that I could have seen myself spending the remainder of the year watching.  
  
Titanic. Yeahhhhhh.  
  
Instead of watching it, like I normally would have, I decided to do something productive with my Christmas. So I headed down to the common room and spent most of the day playing poker with Blaise (I still can't quite figure out why I'm repeating myself) and trying to win back my sugar quills.  
  
Of course, I did not succeed.  
  
I hadn't won a single game all day, so it really figured that the first game that I actually COULD have won was never finished, as it happened to coincide with the start of the feast. And since I had forgotten to eat that morning, I didn't want to miss it.  
  
As there weren't many people that hadn't chosen to go home over Christmas, there was only one table in the Great Hall, at which people from all houses were forced to sit at.  
  
Since Potter and the Weasel were seated at one end, I purposely chose the other end. Not a wise choice, as Pansy was in earshot, but it was better than the only other option.  
  
About five minutes after the feast had started, Hermione came in. She came over to me and sat down across from me, glaring at me. I knew I was in trouble. But I didn't care.  
  
She sighed. "'How to Have Sex in the Woods'?"  
  
I nodded. "Yep. You like it? I remember referring you to it long ago, but I tend to think that you never checked it out, so I figured I'd do it for you." I smirked.  
  
Hermione shook her head and rolled her eyes, but I swore I could see a slight smile on her face. "Only you, Malfoy. I can't believe you."  
  
"Can't you?"  
  
She thought about this. "On second thought, I think I can."  
  
"But hey, at least I THOUGHT about you. Isn't it supposed to be the thought that counts?"  
  
"Yes, most of the time. But in your case, no."  
  
"Okay then."  
  
Dinner itself was actually rather uneventful. I recall spending most of the meal staring at the entrance to the Great Hall, wondering about mistletoe. Again.  
  
It wasn't until dinner was almost over that it occurred to me I should simply experiment with it. Well, that's at least what I repeatedly told myself that I was doing, though I didn't really believe it.  
  
The professors, for some reason, left the Great Hall before all the students. Everyone knew none of them trusted any of us for a second, so it was clearly unknown why they had chosen to do this. Nevertheless, they did.  
  
So all the more reason.  
  
When everyone was finally sick of each other (and most likely eager to get back to their dorms for some extra special end of Christmas fun), most of the students started shuffling out of the Great Hall.  
  
I sat at the table, watching everyone leave, as I drank my coffee. I was having a silent debate with myself over whether I should do it or not when I finally noticed that Hermione was almost out of the Great Hall.  
  
So it was pretty much my chance. It was actually more of a spur of the moment thing, but that's not really all that important.  
  
I went after her and grabbed her wrist before she went through the door. "Hey Hermione."  
  
She turned around to look at me. "What?"  
  
I gestured to the door, grinning. "You know there's mistletoe there, right?"  
  
She nodded slowly, as if she didn't actually know what I was suggesting. And I had always thought she was supposed to be the smart one. "Um, yes."  
  
I smirked and pulled her toward me, then finally kissed her.  
  
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A/N: Well.  
  
Don't even tell me you guys couldn't see that one coming. I actually kind of feel like I might have rushed it. I didn't, did I? Oh well, that's the way it is, as if you couldn't see him warming up to her throughout the last few chapters. That's really all I can say. But now moving on.  
  
I HAVE 107 REVIEWS, AHAHAHAHAHA! I LOVE YOU GUYS SOOOO MUCH! Many many many many thanks are due to: Some12, skye, Darkening Sky, i don't have one, and KanekoK  
  
Redundant Goddess: Yeppers, the mistletoe was certainly leaning toward a theme, as was explained in this chapter. Hehe, hope you like. PIES! (with mistletoe.yes, poisonous mistletoe pies, yum)  
  
RikuNghts: Veeeeeeeeeery bad game, just ask me. Actually don't, I don't wanna talk about it. Hehe, I of course continued the mistletoe thing into this chapter, as was planned.  
  
kiwi36: Well, Draco did indeed get Hermione a Christmas gift. I doubt it's exactly what you are expecting, but hey, he IS still Draco.  
  
In Dreams: Hmm.maybe Draco should have stopped JUSTIN from walking through the mistletoe at the end of this chapter! *laughs hysterically* Okay, no. And it led somewhere, so there you go. And you're right, Zev does seem the type to elope. You guys can elope to like Estonia or something.O.o eh heh don't ask.  
  
Mz.Undastood-Actress: Hehe, thanks for everything. Sorry about the last chapter, hopefully this one is better. *smirks*  
  
relena333: Ah it's all good, my parents did that to me long ago. But hey, I found a way AROUND the timer software on my computer *smirks*. What can I say? Well, have fun with this chapter. And no, I didn't mean that like it sounded.  
  
sweet-soph: Eh.yeah, spoons is usually not too bad of a game, but not when you play with me. Don't ask. And yes, I'll read your story when I get home later because I have to go in like five minutes, I'm just trying to finish this all up. Thanks!  
  
Ehlonna: Sometimes spoons just isn't a calm game. Don't ask, once again. Hehe. Maybe I'll tell you when you're a little older. ^_^ Hehe kidding.I won't tell you at all. ^_^ again.but really, I don't think you want to know.  
  
Tinker Bell #63!: YES, MAY ALL BOW TO MY ETERNAL WIT, AHAHA! Um, kidding. Sorry. And yeah, I shall assume a new name for Miss Weasley should she ever appear in my story again (of course she will, we need someone to torture), thanks for pointing that out.  
  
Meggles: Haha, you're at the bottom again.  
  
Lalala.kk, so I wish you all a very happy/merry/whatever Christmas, Hanukkah, Chrismukkah, New Year, um.whatever that other holiday is, or anything really, whatever any of you celebrate. This is my holiday present to you, so PLEASE return the favor and REVIEW! Thanks! 


	12. I'm not the one who broke you

Disclaimer: Nup, still not mine.  
  
A/N: Omg, I'm so sorry for making you wait this long! I just had a lot of junk I had to do since I last update, so I had to deal with that before I got ANY time to write this. Actually, I'm supposed to be doing something right now, but I'm not because I feel bad about being so lazy and taking forever with this. So without further ado, your chapter. I'm sorry if it sucks. Oh yeah, and I'm listening to the Clay Aiken CD at the moment, so it's not really my fault if this turns out weird, lol.  
  
Btw, Ginny will just be known as actually GINNY from here on out, because like several others, I'm getting confused. So yeah.  
  
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When I finally pulled away, there was a moment of silence. For about thirty seconds, we stared at each other. Hermione was repeatedly blinking at me, and I just stood there smiling.  
  
After what seemed like an hour, she finally spoke. "Um, what was that for?"  
  
I shrugged, still smiling placidly. "Don't know."  
  
Hermione blinked again. "Why did you KISS me?"  
  
I raised an eyebrow. I had just told her I DIDN'T KNOW. And I really didn't. "That's kind of the same thing, but like I said. I don't know. Just felt like it, I guess."  
  
"Well, you had to have a reason!"  
  
I should have known that once I did it, she would just not let it go. I really had to think about that one. I myself wasn't sure why I had done it; it was sort of a spur of the moment thing. "How do you know I did?"  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Because people just don't do things like that without a reason."  
  
"Some people probably do."  
  
"But that's different."  
  
"Well, then I probably did have a reason."  
  
She raised her eyebrows. "And?"  
  
I smirked. "I just can't think of it at the moment. But I will be sure to let you know as soon as I figure it out."  
  
Hermione just shook her head. "Great. Just tell me, do you do this with everyone, or should I feel special?"  
  
I sighed indignantly. "You should feel special, VERY special. God, Hermione, what do you think of me? I don't just going around shagging everybody." I smirked, and couldn't help but add, "Yet."  
  
She rolled her eyes again. "You really are hopeless." She began to walk away.  
  
"You don't have to tell me."  
  
That had gone over surprisingly well. She hadn't even slapped me. I, for one, was quite shocked. Perhaps it was just the Christmas spirit. I would probably never know.  
  
So, with nothing left to do, I went off to the dungeons. As soon as I opened the door to my own dorm, I came face to face with Miss Virginia Weasley. My jaw dropped. "What the hell?"  
  
Blaise waved good-naturedly to me from inside. I stared at them in horror. "How's it going, Malfoy?" Ginny said, trying to get past me.  
  
I could feel myself twitching, terrified they might have done something that would have certainly made the dorm unfit for sleeping in. "I don't need this, I really don't need this. Please leave my dorm, now."  
  
"I was going to."  
  
The second she stepped out the door, however, Blaise seemed to think it fit to go after her, pin her against the wall, and snog her senseless.  
  
I blinked several times, trying to figure out what I should do. I eventually decided on pushing Blaise the rest of the way out of the door and locking it.  
  
After a very thorough inspection of my bed and the surrounding area, I finally determined that all inappropriate activities that might have gone on had not been executed in said area, and it was therefore safe to touch my bed.  
  
I was too afraid to go to sleep, fearing what I might wake up to if I did, so I just watched Titanic.  
  
And that "I'm flying!" thing still got me every time I went back to watch it.  
  
But not as much as the car scene.  
  
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Being me, I completely wasted the rest of my break. Having left my homework to the last day, I had no choice but to spend it in the library.  
  
But Hermione was there.  
  
As soon as I spotted her, I went over and sat next to her, dropping my books on the table. "Hey Hermione. Never would've thought YOU'D leave any homework for the last day of break," I said, opening a book.  
  
I could actually see her try to fight back those homicidal tendencies I knew were just dying to break free. "I'm not doing homework, I'm reading."  
  
I smirked. "See Hermione, I KNEW you'd like my Christmas present if you'd just give it a chance."  
  
"It's NOT that. It's Hogwarts, A History."  
  
I paused. "Sure. Just know, however moronic the REST of the student population is, you will never fool me. Know that."  
  
Hermione sighed. "You should seriously consider therapy."  
  
And that really stung. "Why do you HATE me so much, Hermione? It really hurts me!"  
  
"I don't hate you."  
  
I frowned. She acted like she did.  
  
However, she continued. "I just dislike you."  
  
I scowled. "That's just not cool. It's not like I'm ever mean to you or anything."  
  
"Well, I don't know if anyone has ever told you this, but.you are REALLY annoying."  
  
I shrugged, grinning. "I know. But that's just who I am. I bother people; it's what I do."  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes. "And you actually wonder why people don't like you. Why do you always HAVE to annoy everyone? Take," she paused, "Christmas, for example."  
  
I smirked. It was true, I really WAS annoying as hell! "You want to know the truth?"  
  
"Probably not, but tell me anyway."  
  
"I just kind of like pissing you off."  
  
Hermione shook her head in disdain. "I gathered that."  
  
I looked up at her. "Well, it's not like you really make it hard for me."  
  
She frowned, seemingly at a loss for words. I grinned. "Face it, Hermione. You just can't BEAT me. And yet, you continue to try."  
  
"It's worth a shot, isn't it?"  
  
I thought for a minute. "Well, not really."  
  
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The next morning was, to put it lightly, not the best start to a term. I had been up until 2:00 A.M. watching Titanic (Yes, I know, it's my own damn fault), so I got approximately five hours of sleep.  
  
As known by most, I don't do well with a lack of sleep. Since I'm constantly plagued by a lack of sleep, it can be deducted that I almost never do well. This would be a correct deduction.  
  
I sat at the Slytherin table in the Great Hall drinking coffee and eating a bagel. When I was almost finished and about to leave, the mail came. Normally this wouldn't have been anything monumental for me, as I almost never got anything, but then I noticed the same school owl that I had thrown out the window coming toward me.  
  
And by coming toward me, I mean that exactly. It looked as if it was preparing to dive-bomb, and I ducked under the table just in time. When I resurfaced, of course, the owl was calmly sitting in front of my plate.  
  
I scowled at it. It squawked at me.  
  
I untied the package from its leg, and the owl flew off. Could owls have glared, I'm sure it would have been doing so. Of course, I well knew owls were predatory birds, but I assumed the owl was just waiting until I least expected it to make its move.  
  
Anyway, back to the point.  
  
I tore off the note that was taped to the top.  
  
'I knew you said that you didn't need them at the moment, but I figured you'd really be better off safe than sorry. Love, Mum.'  
  
I had to fight back a very long list of inappropriate words that immediately came to mind as I read the note. My eyes widened in horror, as I naturally already knew exactly what to expect.  
  
With great trepidation, I slowly took off the brown wrapping paper, and found myself staring at exactly my thoughts realized.  
  
Yes, yet another box of condoms.  
  
My mother was, to put it excruciatingly nicely, twisted, sick, and wrong.  
  
I rolled my eyes. There was no use fighting it; she'd never stop. So instead, I just picked them up and left the Great Hall.  
  
A few minutes later, I was walking down a corridor on my way to Potions, still staring at the box and for some reason unable to just put them away.  
  
There was something about them that just freaked me out.  
  
Ironically enough, however, it was then that I ran into Ginny. "What are you looking at?" she asked.  
  
I thought for a minute. "You know what? You can have these," I said, shoving the box at her. "I feel you'll have a much bigger need for them than me."  
  
Ginny shrugged. "Okay."  
  
I nodded, then kept walking. Suddenly, I turned around. "Just keep it in your OWN damn dorm!"  
  
Just thinking about the decaying state of my dorm made me feel unclean. And I actually had to SLEEP in it.  
  
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A/N: Um, that chapter kind of sucked, but oh well. Once again, I'm really sorry about the wait. I just went through a phase in which I had no clue what I was going to do or where I was going to go with this, and that was like up until a few minutes ago, lol. But now I've just decided that I'm just going to go with whatever I feel I should do; it's worked so far. I don't have much more to say, except I would like to thank MEGGLES for forcing me to write this chapter AND telling me pretty much everything to put in it.  
  
Thank you thank you thank you: ifitaintbroke88, Darkening Sky, Dracoluver2009, Gryffindor620, RivanKnight, Some12, CozzaGirl16, dreamy kitty, Ehlonna, GryffinBst, sweet-soph, and *karly*.  
  
kiwi36: Well, it's the kind of gift I myself would get someone, so hey, why not Draco, lol. And um, she didn't slap him because that would not be good, but you never know. And no, I don't know what I'm talking about so I'll stop.  
  
super sycoh: Dude I know, the seven dwarves are all emotions you get when you're high! Except Doc, who's the drug dealer.  
  
In Dreams: I don't think we want to see Zaitzev when he's ACTUALLY drunk, because I'd be way too afraid, lol. And don't worry about that, I kind of NEVER make sense, so yeah.  
  
RikuNghts: They hung up mistletoe in the entrance to our bathrooms at school and we were all complaining about it because it was promoting very bad things.um don't ask. Sorry this chapter was boring, but I will eventually make a comeback! I hope.  
  
relena333: I love Zaitzev too, he's just so weird and un-teachery. But that's what makes him awesome.  
  
Fallon: Zaitzev is very disturbed, but we still love him! And yeah, I kind of accidentally threw my cousin's bird right after it got its wings clipped.O_o sorry Kipper! Hehe. Um the rosebushes thing was also with that same cousin, yeah another don't ask thing, lol. I know not many people portray Draco like I do, but I kind of like to think that that makes my story different.I dunno just rambling.  
  
burgundyred: The rosebushes.yeah my cousin's friend said that to her. It was just really funny and I never let it go, so I had to put it in here. I dunno. Yeah, I KNEW the kiss was rushed! But since they're not like "Oh baby I love you shag me!" in this chapter, I think it'll be okay. Lemme know if it's not!  
  
Sparcle girl: Yes I sooo want a teacher like Zev, I'd like bond with him, lol. It's also supercool you like how I write my characters, it's just the way I see them.  
  
DanishGirl: Thanks! Okay, this is a really weird question, but I read "Jeg elsker danske piger" somewhere and I THINK it's Danish, so could you like tell me what that means? Lol it's probably something dirty.or stupid.but anyway, I kind of want to know what it means, so do you think you could please tell me? Thanks!  
  
Meggles: Well, this is YOUR chapter. What else do you want me to say?  
  
LATER! 


	13. Try to make you laugh

Disclaimer: Not mine. Btw, I would like to point out that sometimes I accidentally steal stuff (quotes and the like) from assorted places. If anyone recognizes a line or something in my story, feel free to let me know because I just forget.  
  
A/N: Aww snap...I'm in trouble, I know it (if I still have some readers...please please please gimme another chance!). I owe an explanation, so here goes. Earlier, like the few weeks following the release of my last chapter, I just sat around trying to think of something to write. I actually did once, but I stupidly was too lazy to write it at the moment (:- P mwa ha), then I didn't remember what I was going to write. Then, of course, when I finally figured something out, my whole computer had this HUGE meltdown (meaning it crashed) so I couldn't write anything. I'm still kind of wary of my computer; only half the crap that used to be on it is currently on it, so I'm not a happy camper. But I shall valiantly try to start updating again, though I will make no promises.  
  
Another thing I feel compelled to say. My last few chapters have been slightly sucky and fluffy...at least by my standards. So I plan on trying to return to the original mission of my story. I haven't exactly figured out what it is, but when I do I'll let you know.  
  
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The first week of school after break was excruciatingly long. The weekend didn't come quickly enough, and the first thing I did after my last class on Friday was return to my dorm and watch Titanic, obviously drawing the curtains around my bed in an attempt to spare me from the disturbing images I knew I would have seen had they been open.  
  
It's not all that hard to figure out.  
  
Since I had to stop for dinner, Titanic lasted me well into the night, so when it was over I fell asleep. The next morning, I was sitting at the Slytherin table, eating a bagel (my new addiction, which nevertheless could never replace my coffee, but whatever), when the mail came.  
  
I noticed a rather familiar looking owl once again flying at me. My first reaction wasn't really all that worried; I mean, how many things could my mother possibly send me in a single week?  
  
When the demon owl landed in front of me, however, I reminded myself that it WAS my mother. One could never assume when it came to her.  
  
I raised my eyebrows at the owl. "We meet again, my feathery friend. What joys have you brought me this morning?"  
  
The owl, insulted at being kept holding my mail for so long, tried to stab me with its claws in an attempt to free itself of the package. I pulled off the string that was tying the package to its foot, and the owl flew off angrily. "Yeah, nice seeing you too!" I yelled after it. It hooted evilly.  
  
I read the note attached to the package. 'Don't worry, they're not more condoms. Even you couldn't have gone through the supply I sent you this week that quickly.' I blinked. 'There's an interesting article in here I think you should read. Page 54. Love, Mum.'  
  
I groaned. This could not be good. I tore off the paper and unrolled one of my mother's dirty magazines (which she pretends are not really dirty, but I know better...I mean, I AM sixteen).  
  
I shook my head. Fortunately, there weren't too many people in the Great Hall, as it was Saturday morning and anyone in their right mind would still be asleep. The lack of people to mock me and/or stare at me oddly upon seeing me with this sick magazine was the only, and I mean ONLY, thing that made me open up my mother's latest copy of Playwitch.  
  
I flipped to page 54 and the title immediately jumped up at me 'UNPROTECTED SEX: FIVE WITCHES TELL THEIR SHOCKING STORIES'.  
  
I sighed. My mother actually thought I would be happier about this than a package of condoms. I'd have to have a talk with her at the first possible opportunity.  
  
I don't know how it happened, but ten minutes later I could actually be found reading the article, my skepticism completely irrelevant. It was actually surprisingly interesting, though, as a straight male, I was pretty freaked out by the whole thing anyway.  
  
When I was almost finished with the article, I noticed someone walking over to me. I glanced up and saw Ginny. "Hey Malfoy. Why are you reading male porn?" This was all said in a completely nonchalant tone.  
  
"My darling mother has sent it to me. She wants to make sure the contraceptives are put to good use."  
  
"I suggest you write to her and tell her you're gay." I blinked. I wasn't exactly sure how this would help, but Ginny quite obviously thought it would. "Anyway, that's actually what I wanted to ask you about."  
  
I stared. "You're questioning my sexuality?"  
  
Ginny rolled her eyes. "Oh yeah, Malfoy, I saw the way you were checking out Jack that first time we watched Titanic. But seriously, I was wondering if you had any more of those things you gave me and Blaise."  
  
I once again blinked up at her. "You mean the condoms?" I shuddered to think about it.  
  
She nodded. "Yeah, those. We're all out." I raised my eyebrows. It wasn't entirely surprising, but still not wonderful to know. "Where do you get them?"  
  
"Well, my mother sends them to me because she's convinced I need them, though if I actually did have the need for it, I've rather mastered the contraceptive charm, if I do say so myself." I smirked. That and the sex change charm. The other day in Potions class, while Finch-Fletchley and I were working on our potion, he had felt something...unnatural going on underneath the desk. Upon looking, we found Mr. Norris, who was then put back on house arrest.  
  
"Anyway," I continued, "the contraceptive charm, I'm told, is a rather reliable option, but you won't be learning that until at least next year. Unfortunately for you, I happen to know that your lover isn't wonderful in Charms and could actually end up singeing something that might put a bit of a damper on your social lives. So I'd say your best bet is to look around Hogsmeade." The subject of our conversation finally hit me. It rather disgusted me that I had sunk so low that I was advising others on their sex lives.  
  
Suddenly, I heard another voice, familiar and yet not at the same time, from behind us. "Have you ever heard of a muggle thing called a vending machine?" I turned around and saw Finch-Fletchley.  
  
I was rather shocked; not that he had been listening or that he was now taking part in our vivid conversation. No, I was surprised that he was speaking at all. I'd heard that he'd become unnaturally quiet since his run- in with Mr. Norris. I couldn't blame him; any sexual experience with that feline hermaphrodite would be enough to turn me catatonic and earn me a two- year lockdown at a psyche ward.  
  
Ginny and I both shook our heads. Finch-Fletchley continued. "Well, there these things that muggles have that you can get soda and candy and other assorted, equally fattening tidbits from. Anyway, it hotels and such, they sometimes sell condoms, which is kind of sick if you think about it."  
  
I saw what he was getting at. Anything that dispensed both junk food and contraception at the same time was twisted in my book.  
  
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That conversation was quickly over; there was only so much concerning that subject that we could talk about in one sitting. However, when I finished reading my mother's article, I spontaneously went to the next page and found a far more interesting article.  
  
'ORGIES AND ORGASMS: THE REAL LIVES OF BOARDING SCHOOL GIRLS'. My jaw dropped. There was NO way my mother could have seen this or she would have specifically forced me to read it.  
  
I tried to resist. I honestly tried to just close the magazine and get on my day.  
  
Then, of course, I stopped trying. I was a teenage guy, after all.  
  
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It didn't take me long to finish the article, but the time it did take was well worth it. I learned more in those three pages than I had learned over the past six years at Hogwarts. Needless to say, it was enlightening.  
  
Something made me feel the need to see if what the magazine said was true. I could only hope it was.  
  
I saw Hermione sitting at the Gryffindor table. I grinned and sidled over to her. She was sitting with her back to me and so didn't see me. I sat down next to her.  
  
She didn't look up from her book; I could only assume she was used to this by now. "Yes?"  
  
"Morning, Hermione. Enjoying your breakfast?"  
  
"Sure. Is there something you want?"  
  
I nodded. "I was just reading a very interesting article, and I just want to let you know that...well, I now know."  
  
"What do you know?" She still wasn't looking up at me. This was making it far more fun.  
  
"Everything. All the things you thought you could hide from me. I'm insulted you try to keep these things from me."  
  
"I still don't know what you're talking about." She still wasn't annoyed. This was strange. Perhaps she actually had MORE patience in the morning and it wore off as the day went on.  
  
"Let's make this easy. Will you take your shirt off for me?"  
  
Hermione stopped reading and looked up, blinking at the wall. I couldn't help grinning. She picked up her glass of orange juice and slowly poured it over my head.  
  
I blinked orange juice out of my eyes, but I was still grinning. "Okay, maybe some other time. But I'll have you know that I've actually fantasize about this exact moment. Would you care to do that again? I'll even pour the orange juice for you."  
  
Hermione closed her book and stood up. "I'm going to go now. Goodbye, Draco."  
  
I waved. "See you later. We'll do that whole flashing thing. It'll be fun."  
  
She made no reply.  
  
As soon as she was out of the Great Hall, I went back over to the Slytherin table and picked up the note from my mother that was somehow still there. I grabbed a quill from God knows where and wrote on the back, 'Mum. I found an article I think you might be interested in. I don't think you've read it yet. Page 58. Enjoy! Draco.'  
  
I taped it to the cover of the magazine, and put it in my bag, too lazy to owl it at the moment.  
  
Okay, so I was slightly perverted. Yes, I only considered myself SLIGHTLY perverted.  
  
Ah, the joys of the teenage years.  
  
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A/N: Man, I'm sorry that chapter's so short. I'm just trying to get it out as soon as I can, and I have like ten minutes until I have to leave for the day, so I'm gonna get this bad boy out NOW, woot. Okay, so enjoy the chapter, and on to my thankses.  
  
You rock hard: Gryffindor620, sweet-soph, Imy, Some12, snakewise, CassandraTheEvil, natyslacks, In Dreams, relena333, RivanKnight, Lady Mistress, Lydia Riddle, i cant find the snitch, ghypscee, dangelu881, Darkening Sky, Mila, and Irishsodabread (damn that stuff is good...Irish soda bread, I mean).  
  
kiwi36: Draco hearts Hermione, Hermione hearts Draco...just don't tell them because they don't know it yet, haha. Yes, I've seen Chicago. "So I took the shotgun off the wall and fired two warning shots......INTO HIS HEAD."  
  
super sycoh: Yeah, I always wondered why Rose just didn't get off. But whatever.  
  
RikuNghts: Poor Draco...and poor me, I'll never be able to sit on my couch again...think Blaise and Ginny, except...um, someone else  
  
DanishGirl: Thanks! Except I don't really think I should go around saying that...:-) haha. Is there any chance that you could possibly tell me how to say 'I love Danish boys' instead? Haha thanks much.  
  
Fallon: Wow. Thank you so much. I try to write Draco's character as best I can, and this is how I perceive him from the book, hence the birth of my story.  
  
burgundyred: My friend wanted them to be like "Kay, I love you, let's do it now" but I was all "Um, no". I'm afraid of rushing it, but this chapter kind of brought it back to their wonderful love-hate-annoyance relationship. It's more fun that way. Plus I put more Narcissa in this chapter, who by the way is my mom meets the mom (not the Indian one, the other one) from Bend it Like Beckham, if you've seen it. They all like hang out. Go to the beach. Party. Kay, I'm not making any sense, I'll stop now.  
  
FrozenFlames: Oh darn...gee, I probably did steal that, didn't I? Oops. Check out my disclaimer on this chapter; I don't really mean to steal things, I'm stupid and I don't realize I'm doing it, but if I do it more just like yell at me or whatever.  
  
Syaoronsangel: Very very sorry, but my email account is kind of screwed up and I have trouble actually emailing people. It's a very tragic story. Sorry though.  
  
kougasgirl05: Thank you very much. I'm trying to give Draco the best character I can, and I kind of base some of the humor on real junk that like happens to me...in a way. Okay.  
  
Remorseful Passion: Don't even worry about it. You forget to read, I forget to update, we're even.  
  
Hustler: I actually kind of DID make Mr. Norris a hermaphrodite in this chapter (or mentioned it), so there you go.  
  
Muchas amoro, and happy Easter/Passover/Eastover/whatever!  
  
Eastover is my own personal holiday. We burn incense, eat candy, and tell each other what we dislike about them. It's great. 


	14. ΅ελλ, Ι φεελ σηεεπιση!

Oops.

I definitely had to open with that.

Okay, so I know most of you have probably figured I've given up on this bad Larry. Negatory. I did for a while…but I'm actually in the process of revamping it. See, I got up to the point I did, and I realized I wouldn't be able to finish the story as it was, because I forgot some very important elements, mainly some characters that are supposed to be there but aren't really, that are necessary for it to work out. So I had to rewrite the whole thing. I know, it's been over a year, but I still haven't exactly finished yet. Heh heh. But I'm going to start putting out the new and improved version. I'm actually not sure how improved it is, but I'm hoping for the best. I will be putting it out under the title 'Your Star'. I have decided to change the title because I want to keep Final Answer as it is out here for a while at least, so FYI, that's this story, revamped version. I'm not sure if I'm making sense any more; I've had a lot of punch today. So…if I have any readers left (sorry everyone! I still love you), it would be much appreciated if you check it out. Thanks fo'eva-

Xaared


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